Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter is a Dweeb

I, like most suburban pre-teen girls, had a few baby sitting gigs when I was younger. There was one in particular that was prime because they had a stocked fridge. But THOSE stories are only told at my Over-Eaters Anonymous meetings.

My charges were 2 girls and a boy. None were in diapers and all were expected to listen to and obey authority. It was easy money. One night, while watching The Ten Commandments for the only-Moses-knows-how-many-eth time,  I left them arguing why the Tornado Warning on screen wasn't anything to worry about.
"It was there when mom recorded it."

"But why would it be there now if there isn't a tornado now?"

"Because it was there when we recorded it on tv"

"But why is it on the tv now?????"
Almost done with "making" (slicing apples) their snack - the argument died down and there was quiet. Then Ashley comes running up the stairs, "Tasha, two police officers are here."

What the shit?

I go downstairs and see two uniformed police officers standing at the door. One looked kinda like Tom Cruise and the other like Porky Pig. Tom Cruise Cop tell me they received a call about an intruder in the house and they came to investigate.

"I'm pretty sure it's just me and the kids here."
"Ma'am we received a call that a neighbor saw someone upstairs."

"That was me - in the kitchen."

"Who are you?"

"The babysitter."

"Can we come inside to investigate?" He moves toward to door, I block him.

I ask: "Do you have a search warrant?"

Earlier in the week my Civics class (8th grade Civics class, mind you) had gone over the limits of the police and how they could not enter a private residence without a search warrant. I have an uneasiness around police or any sort of authority figure and I was NOT comfortable letting 2 "police men" into the house. 

Porky Pig Cop laughs.

"No, we don't. But we want to make sure you guys are safe."

"Well, it's my job to keep these kids safe and I don't feel comfortable letting you in the house and since you don't have a warrant I don't have to let you in." I called the mom on the cordless phone and had the officers talk to her (outside) just to appease them.

It turns out it was the crazy neighbor who saw me in the kitchen and called the police.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

My Aunt Sally

My Aunt Sally died one year ago. Her physical body was very sick and in a lot of pain, it couldn't go on and she passed away last May. She was my most favorite aunt and hard to believe she was never family by blood. Sally and her "roommate" Connie moved into the neighborhood when I was in the 5th grade. They had a pair of miniature collies and I had a pair of younger brothers who loved dogs. It didn't take long for our families to adopt one another.

In my naive little bubble, the "roommate" story was believed at face value. My parents never talked about it. My dad's ultra conservative culture doesn't allow for homosexuality. If you're found to be doing anything sexual with someone of the same sex they will straight up kill you. I am not kidding. So my dad never, in my presence, questioned their relationship. He had to believe it.

Years went by and with every birthday, holiday and family vacation I began to wonder.

Maybe Sally and Connie are gay? For each other!

This was a pretty big leap for me. I grew up in a community that was both Jesus zealous and old world Iranian (an interesting dichotomy in and of itself). Each one told me that being a lesbian would earn you the eternal damnation of a fiery hell.

They can't go to a fiery hell! I love them! They love me! 

This realization also coincided with Ellen's coming out on in 1997.

Ellen is so funny! I'm not so sure about this "gay people are sinners" thing. 

It would be many more years later for me to ask Sally about her sexuality. She and I were in her classroom (she was a professor) and I worked up the courage to ask. We talked for quite some time about LOTS of things. Our relationship was all of a sudden adult.

When the president signed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), I was enraged. I wrote a letter telling the story of my beautiful aunts and their committed relationship. The loved they shared was no different then the loved that pulsed through other committed hearts. I could not and would NOT support DOMA.

Suffice it to say, Obama's words this week have bitter-sweetly marked this anniversary for me.

Sally - in both the physical and spiritual world, you have taught me much and more about love. I know that you feel no pain now and for that I am happy and find peace. So why does it hurt?

I miss you.

I love you more.

Monday, May 7, 2012

I stiiiiiiilllll got it

There's a good reason why I haven't been boring all of you with my bad, awkward and terrible date stories.

I gots me a man, y'all.

Honest! I don't see any dating stories in the near future and that is a very good thing. And since I like to think of myself as conscious to my reader's needs (Hi Megan), I shall transition to stories of my awkward, bad and terrible interactions in non-date situations.

That Time with Doug Frost
KC locals will know Doug Frost as the host of Check Please, KC! One random Wednesday night I was at a bar for a show and I noticed him and with liquid courage coursing through my liver, I walked over and chatted him up! I could tell he recognized that he should know me, but the he was clueless as to who the fuck I was. And I'm pretty sure it was just the hair he recognized. By the time the exchange was over, I never did give him my name but he did hear the time I accidentally spilt beer on his boss.

The Time with Randy Mason
Randy Mason is Doug Frost's boss, an executive director for KCPT. Russell's awesome and amazing Black House was performing and he was there... y'know, doing his job on being hip to Kansas City. He was literally 10 feet from me and the exchange went something like this:

Me: OH MY GOD! I'm a huge fan! ::extend hand to shake but in doing so I slop a good portion of the beer I am holding onto him.

Me: OH MY GOD! I'm so sorry.

The Time with My New NeighborI had gotten my bike out of storage and was doing quarter mile sprints around the neighborhood. I saw her car pull up when I was a couple houses away. I was SO excited to meet her AND I had just done 2 sprints. I don't need any help coming off slightly TOO excited about life and being out of breath did me no favors. "HI! ::inhale:: mynameisNatashaandI'msooooooooooooooooooo ::inhale:: excited to meet ::inhale:: YOU!"

"Bless your heart."

That was her actual to goodness response.