Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Does having read "The Babysitter Club" books qualify me for this job?

Mr. James
I've been asked to babysit.

Let me give you time to control your laughing.

Quite done?

Now, let me assure you that I was not The Mom's #1 pick. I do not take that as an insult, rather as a reassurance that my friends know me. I think I fell no higher than #5, which is where I expect to land. Well before random stranger, but after grandma, friends with children, adults that like watching kids and the paid babysitter.

This little boy, James, holds a very special place in my heart that, dare I say, no other child has. He's smart, sweet, funny and calls me "Na-cha-cha!" Melt.

I just worry about the future of our relationship. Up until this coming Saturday from 10:00am - 2:00pm, James and I have never been alone together. I've always had the safety net of adult supervision. If he cried, his mom or dad was there to take care of the dirty diaper, scratched knee or grumpy mood. If he started misbehaving, grandma was there to swat his behind and get him to play nice. If I couldn't handle Go Diego Go, I left the room and made someone else keep an eye on him.The Mom is a dear friend, and I pride myself on being a good friend. Therefore, it is an honor to be asked to watch her child. But I lack the patience and selflessness that is required for even a decent babysitter. If a kid starts doing something to annoy or frustrate me, I'm out. This is frowned upon if you're asked to, solely, watch over a small human being for 4 hours.

This kid does have something going for him that no other kid left in my charge has ever had. I love the little guy! This will probably give him a cushion or at least an allowance of sorts for what he can do before my maternal reserve runs dry.

So, this coming Saturday, I'll be responsible for a small child.

Yeah, I'm scared too....

Monday, September 29, 2008

Roundin' the bases.... (OH!)

Happy effing Monday everybody. I hope everyone had a great weekend. The weather here in KC was phenomenal. I appreciate the giant "hug" God is giving us right now, but I'd really appreciate being able to turn off of my air conditioning.

Quick favor - if anyone has any information on a player named Nick the Royals, allegedly, signed recently... I'd appreciate it. I'm not sure his last name. It might be Purdy. But I don't *think* that Nick Purdy is the one I need information on.

My interest transcends my home town pride and support for my boys in blue. As some of you may know, my love for baseball runs deep, however, my love for baseball players run deeper.

See.... what had happened was.....

A few weeks ago, at Yoga, there was a hot guy there that appeared to be straight, NOT there with a girlfriend and under the age of 40. The proverbial holy grail. Now - I would have PROBABLY approached Mr. Hottie Yoga even if I hadn't found out what I found out on Saturday. But, now that I know what I know... I'll just have to move with more earnest.

ALLEGEDLY he just signed on with the Royals.

I'm at a loss. This could have the potential to be the best news of my autumn. Ever since I fell in love with Chipper Jones in 1997, I've wanted a baseball player of my very own. When I'd volunteer to take my brothers to baseball games - I had ulterior motives. And those motives usually came in the form of the pitcher. I even snuck out of my parents house in a pseudo-blizzard, during my youth, to make it to a Chad Durbin autograph signing at the Price Chopper.

So, yeah, I have a things for baseball players.

Couple that with the fact he's into Hot Yoga and I'm helpless.

Someone please help me.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Me vs Kelly from The Office

If The Office isn't one of your favorite shows, then please save me the trouble and go ahead and punch yourself in the throat. I am SO excited for the hour long premier tonight! I have spent the last 2 months catching up on the seasons I have missed. I certainly got my $17.99/month worth out of Netflix. Socializing with real people was a sacrifice I made to catch up on the sordid affairs of The Office. Lack of sleep was something I gladly succumbed to if that meant I got to watch one more episode where Jim tried to work up the nerve to ask Pam on a date. However, to see Dwight without his shirt on was something I would have rather not seen.

ANYWAY - today we've been playing "What Character from The Office Are You" in my office. I have been labeled my office's "Kelly." This was a blow. Kelly isn't my favorite character. She's shallow, noisy, talks a lot and gives second generation foreigners a bad name.

And that is why I am my office's Kelly.

At first I wanted to be Pam. Pam is cute and sweet, has curly hair and lands a GREAT guy. But then it was explained to me that...

1. Kelly speaks in Webcronyms.
OMG - Guilty.

2. Kelly always has some man obsession going on that she doesn't shut up about.
Check. See previous post.

3. Kelly sat next to and annoys a guy named Ryan.
Double Check.

4. Kelly is foreign.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

You're Crushing Me!

OMG you guys. I am totally crushing on someone and in a pretty bad way. And to make matters worse, it is someone at work. And to make matters even WORSE, it is someone that is way hot and doesn't even know my name.

I am going to go out on a limb and try something a little more suave than my usual flirting tactics. That means that I am going to do more than stare at him. I know, I know, this is a big step for me. If any one has any suggestions on how I should approach him or what I could say or do, I am listening.

I am serious, you guys. This could be the next Mr. MHIBTY.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

How YOU doin'?

A play in one act

The Scene: The produce department at the local grocery store
The Characters: Me. Random older, skeevy guy

::curtain rises and Natasha is selecting bell peppers for what will be the most spectacular chili she's ever made. Random older, skeevy guy rolls shopping cart right up behind Natasha::

ROSG: I just bought $34 worth of crab legs.

::Natasha looks around and realizes that ROSG is talking to her::

Natasha: That's a lot of crab.

ROSG: I'll need help eating it. ::wink::

Natasha:: I'm allergic. (Director's Note: Natasha is NOT allergic)

::Natasha turns back to the bell peppers::

::Curtain falls::

SERIOUSLY? Seriously. What is up with that guy? And what is up with almost every guy (all 3 of them) that hit on me? There is Crabby, the "Hey, hey, hey, hey......HEY!" guy from the gas station parking lot. That looked something like this...

::Natasha walking from her car in to the gas station::

Guy in gas station parking lot: Hey, hey, hey, hey........HEY!!!!

::Natasha continues walking::

Guy: So that's how you are?

And let's not forget the guy that would "BAA" at me and tell me that my hair reminded him of a sheep's wool.

Oh wait. That was my ex-husband.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Twinkle Toes

After a summer of not taking any dance classes, my ballet classes start up again tonight!

And I am SO excited. You could say that I am so excited I could spit! But, since I am a lady and you know that I never stoop to unbecoming behavior, you would NOT say that. But you also know that I am lying about that, so go ahead and say it.

Yes! Ballet! Just one of the many ways I am regressing back into my childhood because being an adult is for the birds and I, just frankly, rather not be. An adult OR a bird. Oh, except for the part where I live alone, don't have a curfew and don't have to ask permission before eating the last of the worms.

In addition to ballet I have, recently, read a Bernstein Bear book, mooched a HUGE bowl of Fruit Loops off a friend, Netflixed Mary Poppins.

Regression is 74% complete.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Earring Follow Up

My mom found her earring. She found it when moving shoes off of the a/c vent on the floor and noticed it hanging, perilously, about to fall into the abyss that is the heating and cooling duct system.

Needless to say, she snatched it up and gave me a call. Thank you everyone who gave their support during this tragic time for my mom.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Inspector MHIBTY

Monday morning I found a money clip right by my car. The clip was actually in a vinyl cooler/lunch box thing and was the most valuable item compared to the empty beer can and a pair of metal tongs also in the case. Since this is how so many of my dreams begin, I quickly started looking for John Krasinski, all tingly with excitement that hopefully my dream would FINALLY come to fruition.

I took the money clip and resolved to track down the owner. There was $12, an ID and 5 credit cards. The potential for serious fun was astronomical. Alas, since John Krasinski was not there to pound (the importance of reliable office supplies home to) me , I knew this was not a dream, so I had to be a responsible, moral stricken citizen.

Go Go Gadget skates!

411 didn't have a number for A.B.B. (I'll use his initials. I'll give this guy a break since he's already avoided one scrape with Identify Theft) and neither did the operator. NADA found in the White pages or on the Internet. I had called his credit cards customer service numbers trying to get a modicum of information on this guy. NOTHING. After going threw an automated menu and finding out that one of the credit cards had a $10,000 (TEN THOUSAND!!!!) limit, I noticed the company logo on the front of it. It is for a local Sports Venue Architecture firm. I can call the office! But it was Labor Day. My hopes weren't high, but at least it was something.
I call a couple of numbers and the second one gave me the option to dial an employees extension via their name. JACKPOT! I dial, the phone rings, HE PICKS UP!!! I quickly explain who I am and why I am calling. He seems unphased by the whole ordeal, but thanks me. We agree to meet.

We eventually meet up for the hand-off and we exchange stories - how he lost it and how/where I found it and how I tracked him down. He seemed impressed by my investigative skillz and grateful that he didn't have to cancel all his credit cards. I was impressed that he was much cuter than his drivers license would have had me believe.

So maybe if I play my cards right this WILL end like all my other dreams..... Go Go Gadget Giggity!