Friday, August 28, 2009

You are the weakest link: good-bye!

I really wish the boss man had said that (with the accent), as it would have at least been funny, but alas, I was relieved from my employment last week.

I know what you’re thinking: “Natasha, if you’ve been unemployed for over a week now, why the fuck haven’t you been blogging? It ain’t like you’ve been busy!”

Fuck you. I have to been busy.

Busy sleeping in, busy swimming at the YMCA, busy hanging out with my friends… OH YEAH, and busy filing for unemployment and looking for a new job.

I do have a funny story of Stef and I crashing the Town Hall meeting held at UMKC on Tuesday.

After Claire McCaskill was done taking questions, Stef and I descended on the news reporters asking WHY they were only interviewing people over the age of 45. She was able to get camera time with Michael Mahoney from Channel 9 and made her point on why it's important those in the 20 to 30 year old demographic raise their voice in the issue because... and I quote..."...they are the ones getting the shaft!"

I love you Stef.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Out of Office Auto Reply

I'm going to be out of pocket next week. Which should feel no different than when I am IN pocket but just ignoring my blog duties. (he-he..... duties). I'm headed to North Carolina, cats and kittens. I'm gonna spend some quality time with the beach, er, my sister.

Hopefully the return trip this year involves less alcohol and random frisking.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I WON!!!!!!

After hours and hours and hours of my life spent on terrible, horrible, no-good dates - my energies have finally yielded fruit! I can proudly claim title of WINNER to the "Reader Contribution: The Worst Thing Said on a Date" contest sponsored by [redacted]. Dan, Brooke & Puppy: I am honored.

Now, on to the tale of the wretched date.

When: Two years ago.
Who: Jared. I think. I'll call him Jared.
Where: The Peanut
Why: He was cute.
Background: Online dating (I know, I know, twice (fourteen times) bitten and all that jazz), his profile had the "has kids?" check box marked and he, during conversation mentions his daughter...

Natasha: So, how old is your daughter?

Jared: Oh. Um. 10. And 6.

N: Oh! 2 kids.

J: Yeah, 2 daughters.

N: That's cool. Blah blah blah...

For about half an hour we talk about his school, our jobs and other meaningless first date topics. He throws out that he's moving soon and is worried about school districts. I tell him the part of town I'd love to buy a house in.

Jared: Yeah, but I'm a single dad with 3 kids. I can't afford that neighborhood.

N: What.

J: Yeah..... I have 3 kids, not 2 like I said earlier.

N: So, when I said "Oh! 2 kids"......... and you said "yeah".........

J: I didn't want to freak you out.

N: But lying is OK?

J: Well, I didn't lie, I said I had 2 daughters. My boy is 8.

N: I gotta go.

The end.

And now, over 2 years later, thanks to Jared-party-of-who-the-fuck-knows-how-many, I am a WINNER!

Also, just as a "I didn't think it could get any worse" sort of twist, I am (and was) fairly confident that he was drunk when I got there. Awesome.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Mad Men, Marilyn Monroe & M&M's

My latest Netflix obsession - I have gotten into the AMC Drama Mad Men and am almost done with season 2. If you're able to check it out - do! The basic story line follows a handful of characters working at an Ad Agency on Madison (Mad) Avenue in the 1960s. They smoke, drink and fuck their way through 45 minutes of well written and fabulously costumed drama. It's Awesome. Plus Jon Hamm makes me happy in all the right places.

Of particular interest was the episode I watched last night (seriously, just last night!), it starts off showing that morning's headline: Marilyn Monroe found dead. While that isn't the central plot point of the episode, the event is used as a device to push the story line in an interesting direction.

Fast forward to this morning, NPR tells me that TODAY (August 5, 1962) is the anniversary of Marilyn Monroe being found dead.


And lastly, onto the M&M's. My boss has had a bowl of M&M's on his desk for several weeks and I've done a fairly good job of avoiding them (if you don't count that one (ok, 2) time) but the bowl hasn't been allowed to reach empty. Well, FINALLY the bottom of the bowl can be seen and he is on vacation, so it cannot be refilled. RELIEF! The Siren Song of those sweet little candy coated chocolates has been silenced!

That's all for today folks, which was brought to you by the letter M and the number 55. As in 55 hours until my Plane to North Carolina takes off!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Dear Time Warner Cable

Dear Time Warner Cable,

I’m afraid you’ve earned a stern letter similar to the one O’Reilly Auto Part earned themselves this past winter. So, here it goes.

Die in a fire!

You might be asking yourself what you did to earn such web-wide disgrace, which just further illustrates how big of an asshole you are; you’re not even aware of what you did.

Or didn’t do, rather. I played by the rules and scheduled an installation/transfer of service for moving day and you arrived between your scheduled 11am and 2pm. However, you forgot to bring your eyeballs because you FAILED to see the cable line running to the house and informed me you couldn’t install a cable line without my landlord’s permission. After you left, my mom found both the line TO the house AND the plug in the upstairs bedroom. You should be ashamed of yourself because she isn’t the best at finding things; she once consulted my Tarot cards to help find an earring she lost.

Knowing that this is sometimes how things go, I call back on Monday and schedule another service appointment. Again for a Saturday and again for between 11am and 2pm. Brother and new roommate, Daniel, agreed to be there even though he had plans with his friends for the afternoon. You can imagine my surprise when he called me after 2pm to tell me that you guys FAILED to show up and that he had to go.

It was almost a slap in the face when you called later that day, at 4 o’clock, letting me know the technician is on their way and asked if someone would be there to let you in.

“No. It is 4 o’clock and you were supposed to be there between 11 and 2.”

“So, no one is there?”


Once again I found myself talking to one of your, obviously ironically titled, Customer Service Representatives setting up a third appointment. The technician is scheduled to show up (which would be a great first step) and install (if I’m lucky) service tonight.

Don’t fuck this up, Time Warner, or my next letter will start out by thanking you for my free lifetime Cable and Internet service.

Yours only because you’re a monopoly,


Monday, August 3, 2009

She Bangs!

Hair cut time! I love my new bangs.

My hair looks like it's conducting electricity on the top, there....