Friday, July 31, 2009

A flip flop, a flippity flop you don't stop...

I didn't have lunch plans today, so, I decided to go get a much needed manicure. There is a little shop about 3 blocks from work, so I walked there. Once there, I see a sign for a mani-pedi special and decided to go balls-to-the-wall crazy and get both!

It wasn't until I was done that it dawned on me that I wasn't wearing the appropriate shoes for POST pedicure. The pedicurist gave me these disposable/paper-y foam flip flops so I wouldn't ruin my lovely toes.

I had to walk the 3 blocks back in paper sandals... and as if I weren't COOL ENOUGH at work, I had to walk into the building, up to the 3rd floor and to my desk with them on.

I'm SO glad I work at a very, very casual office.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

I moved

After 27 months in the apartment I had only intended to be in for 6, I moved. I didn't mean to but I ended up falling in love with the little space (despite it being an oven) and the life I cultivated there. I knew this day would come, and I swore the day I moved in that I was hiring movers when I leave. Which, I did... or rather my dad did. He knew he'd get suckered into helping me move out if he didn't. Well played, dad. More on the movers later.

I'm still in the same neighborhood. Still within walking distance to all the usual suspects and locations, but it's going to take some time to get used to some things.

For example...

Having a hallway
FREE washer and dryer on site
Central air
A full size oven and fridge
A front and back porch
...and a having a roommate!

My Brother Daniel and his pup, Troy, are moving in this Saturday.

Troy the Pup - as a Pup.

Living with the younger Bro will be awesome. We've already made our expectations crystal clear: no cats allowed and the bar will be stocked at all times. AND he's ponying up for cable!
I've been in the house all alone this week. It's definitely taking some getting use to. Yesterday I almost missed a call because I didn't get to my phone fast enough. I had to bound thru the kitchen and dining room to answer it. In my old place, my phone was always within reach REGARDLESS of where both it or I was.

So, yeah, I moved last Saturday and my dad arranged for movers to do all the grunt work. When I booked them, the earliest time slot they had was 11am - 1pm. Me, being the optimist, was ready at 10:30AM. My mom came over to help around that time and we sat.... and waited.... for 3 hours.

Even though they were late, all in all, they did a good job. 24 stairs up and 24 stairs down isn't easy work in July. Though, the "leader," Ben, kept referring to this Klimt piece (The Maiden) I have as porn.

Why? It must have been the bare breasts. Awesome. Later on he asked me if I "...had a boyfriend....or a girlfriend? You never know!"

I didn't bother to clarify or tell him I wasn't into girls (even though I'm sure his imagination was running wild after seeing The Maiden AND catching a glimpse of my copy "The Guide to Getting It On."), I just smiled and vaguely said "No, I don't." After that, this guy did ANYTHING I asked. Take apart and re-assemble my bed frame and head board? Done. Move the china cabinet 3 times because I couldn't decide where I wanted it? Done! Stop the clock after 3 hours, even though they were still working? Yup, did that too.

My mom stuck around for a couple of hours and we unpacked the kitchen and the Library...

Isn't it so pretty???

Every body's house-warming invitation is in the mail!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Blood is the new Toilet Paper

After this past weekend and having to piss in the woods, I thought I was beyond bathroom gross out. I mean, once you squat 6 inches above a patch of dirt to relieve yourself you think "This is natural. It's just a little bit of pee. Aaaahhhhh, this feels really good."

It's been established that some people can be really FUCKING gross in the bathroom here and here.

"Natasha," you ask "if you've witnessed so many gross things in the bathroom, what else is left to gross you out?"

Well. I will tell you.

First things first. Carey witnessed this too, therefore this bathroom injustice can be corroborated. I am NOT making this shit up.

Or should I say, I'm not making this BLOOD up.

Yup. That's right. Right there on the toilet seat. Blood. A nice little puddle. Just hanging out on the toilet seat. Sitting there like it's waiting to be collected as evidence for some CSI: Kansas City Forensics investigator. Totally effing gross. I hope that all of my male readers just threw up a little in their mouth.

Carey and I have two theories. First one is that Toilet-Paper-Wad-Leaver is back in action and has graduated to leaving more gross, more disgusting things OR someone got into a fight with a gang of bathroom ninjas and escaped with just a bloody nose and a little splatter got on the toilet seat.

We're really, REALLY hoping for the second scenario.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Match Game

Refusing to let my past experiences with online dating leave a sour taste in my mouth, I’ve signed up with Insert definition of insanity here: ______________.

A little over a week in and there are no prospects. A few people have contacted me, none of them even worth clicking the “No thank you” response for, but rather, just deleting. But, I’m not gonna let that bring me down. When life hands you lemons, write a blog about it!

Here are the profiles of 3, um, gentlemen that have contacted me. I am copying the text VERBATIUM. Enjoy.

Bachelor #1
Name: Jerry
Headline: hi im looking for someone that wont cheat, hurt me, use me, brake my heart love me for me, want to be with me, me only, no lies no games.
Main Bio: Im a nice sweet and kind and loving and caring guy I have been hurt and heart broken im a countryboy and a farmboy i try to help anyone that i can i love to try new things i love to play pool and bowl and i love to work
Worth Mentioning: His picture is of him…. taking a picture of himself in a mirror. With a t-shirt tucked into his jeans.
Final Verdict: Learn how to use a fvcking comma. And don’t tuck your t-shirts into your jeans.

Bachelor #2
Name: MidwasteGuy*
Headline: “Let’s grab a beer” :0)
Main Bio: i don’t like to sit around and waist time, rather i am motivate to have a willingness to learn from others and in the proses makes a new friends that will last a life time. i am a big English football fan. i love playing baseball. i haven’t been to a baseball game (MLB)- “shame” but i look forward to one. I’m looking for a flexible woman that knows how to treat a fine gentleman and above all, loves to have fun.
Worth Mentioning: In his main picture, his eyes are shut.
Final Verdict: Is English your first language?

*I am certain he meant MidWESTGuy, but then again, I could be wrong.

Bachelor #3
Name: Trucker
Headline: I akm David I am 30yrs old.I am from Olathe,Ks
Main Bio: I idel match would be somebody I spend my life with and share things with and do thing together. I am fun to be around, caring, sweet, I no how to treat a lady and be respectful. I don’t play games anybody. I am pencostal*.
Worth Mentioning: His eyes are not straight forward. Well, one is and the other isn't.
Final Verdict: ……………………..uh…… maybe instead of, he should look into


Sigh. Well, I've got 3 more weeks left in my $34.99 month subscription. If nothing else, I should get a few more blog posts out of it.

Happy Bastille Day

I love all things French. Fries. Toast. Coffee Press. Kisses. Ticklers. If it’s French, then I’m down. I have bought soaps and lotions JUST BECAUSE they were made in France. My voicemail message, in “fake-French” hasn’t changed in 8 years. My mouse pad is a black and white print of the Eiffel Tower.

So, today I will take this opportunity to wish all my French Friends “Happy Bastille Day!”

Monday, July 13, 2009

Roughing It

The drive out there Saturday afternoon was uneventful. The campground was less than 90 minutes away. This came in handy on Sunday when we were all so ready to be home. But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

Liz, Whitney and I had no problems setting up our tent. We put on our bathing suits and got to the reason we were all out there… drinking.

Saturated in sunscreen and bug repellent, we couldn’t have had a more beautiful setting. Our private camp site overlooked a beautiful pond. There were plenty of trees for privacy and we wouldn’t see another soul until 7:30AM on Sunday…. But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself.
We played washers; John and I are the champions. I got Matt a water gun for his birthday and he made sure everyone shared in his “gift.” Liz got him what she calls “lazy tennis,” two paddles where the ball, that came with it, sticks to them. Pretty awesome; very low energy – our kind of game. Steve took us 4-wheeling in the jeep and only lost the trail once. Jenni Rea taught me some of those fancy “hand clappy” things school girls do during recess.

I could keep going on about how awesome it was, but, let’s face it, I know that you want to hear about the snafus, the hitches and the wrenches that make any trip memorable. But, you’re gonna have to wait.

The evening was just a darker version of the gorgeous day. The moon rose a blood-red/orange color over the pond, as all the activity (swimming, playing, eating, hiking) wound down. It might have been the spell of the enchanted day or it might have been all the red bull drinks I was having, but I didn’t become sleepy until well after 4AM (I heard a rooster waking up off in the distance – it was time to go to bed). I was the last one to bed, so, I picked Rob off the ground, took him to his tent, picked up the cooler he knocked over, put out the fire with contents of all the abandoned beer cans and headed to my tent.

I never feel asleep, I had to pee badly and there was no way I was peeing by myself in the dark. I rested, perched precariously on the edge of the air mattress, spooning Liz, until I began to hear rumbles of a storm off in the distance. At 7:30ish, I recruited Liz to go to the bathroom with me, when I stepped out of the tent, I saw we had company. The owner had driven over to our site to warn us of a pretty gnarly storm about 30 minutes away. 60 to 65 MPH winds were forecasted. Immediately, I wake everyone else and we get to work on moving all of our stuff into our “emergency shelter area.” All this was was a giant tarp tied between the Jeep and the Van.

The storm came, it brought strong winds, lots of scary thunder and lightning (I swear there were a couple that sounded right above our heads) and almost 4 hours worth of rain.

So we all sat under the tarp, or "The Living Room," we dubbed it. Since there was still beer in the coolers, we drank it. It was cold and muddy. I was tired, hungry, wet & clammy and having a great time being stupid with my friends.

When the storm cleared, we packed up our stuff and began to break down camp. David, who drove Liz, Whitney and I, agreed to head home as soon as possible. THIS is the part where I was so very thankful we had a relatively short drive back home. In the words of my company – I looked “Busted.”

Once home, I took a hot shower, ate warm food and hunkered down on my couch to fall asleep while watching TV. God bless microwavable Indian cuisine, remote controls and Tylenol PM.

Happy Birthday Matt & Megan!!! I love you both, enjoy your day.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Bar Megan Takes a Field Trip

The regulars (the group of us that drink regularly together) from “Bar Megan” (Steve and Megan’s attic and/or front porch) are taking a field trip. Monday is Megan’s and Matt’s birthday and to celebrate, they wanted to go camping.

I am genuinely excited to go camping with my friends, there will be a group of 10 to 12 of us and, while it took a minute to confirm, there SHOULD be a toilet for me to use.

Have a great weekend everyone, see you next week. Maybe. I might continue to ignore my blog. Who knows.