Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Natasha’s Top 8 (and sometimes embarrassing) Moments of 2008

Since 2008 didn’t suck nearly as hard as 2007* did, I’ll be reflecting today on its highlights.

Drum roll please…….

#8 New Jobs.
In 2008 I got 2 new jobs. There was the exodus from “Cockton” to my current and beloved employer in May and then my departmental transfer/promotion in late November. I think that after a tumultuous 13 months of bouncing around job wise, I have found my niche and am happy. YAY!

#7 I got a TV
In 2007 I decided to be TV Free and wasn’t content enough to just NOT turn on my set, but felt the need to give the old boob tube away. SO I did. And then 9 months later So You Think You Can Dance was about to start, so I got a new TV. And Netflix.

#6 TV Debut
It’s still fresh enough that it hurts to talk about. And BTW, Carey, where the H is the video you’ve been promising me.

#5 We have a Winner!
2008 marked the first time EVER I’ve picked/voted for a winner! This category isn’t exclusive to presidents; it also includes boyfriends, sports teams and race horses. Gobama!

#4 Hot Yoga
Ok, we all know I “found” hot yoga this year and we all know I struggled with, um, bodily functions in class. HOWEVER, there was this one time in yoga class… You know what I’m talking about, Liz…… oh man, you guys, this story is one of my most embarrassing ones. And that’s saying something. Any way…

It’s was a while ago. The class was PACKED. We got to this posture and I…. well, hold on. Let me set it up a little bit better. The heater had just turned itself off so it was DEAD fucking silent in the room and behind me were 2 cute boys I had never seen before. So, yeah, we got to this posture and I had reached my edge, but the instructor kept encouraging me to go further. Since I knew, KNEW, that I could put my forehead on the floor, I made the final push…… and then farted. REALLY LOUDLY. For a solid 3 seconds. It even had that little “went up an octave” punctuation mark/crescendo at the end to really solidify that yes, yes indeed, someone had just passed gas.

The teacher was startled; I could hear it in her voice. It wasn’t just a fart, it was another entity in the room and no one, least of all me, wanted to acknowledge its existence.

#3 I rode a Segway
My aforementioned employer gifts a segway to the employees of the months. I was lucky enough to know the EOFM and she was gracious enough to let me ride it. Now, I had never been on a segway before and had NO clue how they worked. My only opinion of them until this point was that douche-y security guards rode them around malls. Oh how I wish someone had told me how they worked BEFORE I stepped onto the platform.

Since I wasn’t aware that they are operated by body weight distribution, when I first stepped on, I did the “back and forth pendulum move coupled with a high pitch scream of death” and then jumped off. Good times.

#2 Blog Me!
I made my blog debut in 2008 and the 3 people reading this will never be the same. Oh, and word on the street is that the original “Blogfather” is in jail in Iran (and we all know how that will end), so I think the name will be up for grabs after he’s stoned to death.

And my number 1 moment of 2008 was………….

#1 My Road trips
Yeah, I’m technically cheating with this one but it’s my list and I can do what I want! I took a vow in 2007 to travel more and travel more I did! I went to 3 brand new places, Colorado, Iowa and Oklahoma (where the wind comes sweeping down the plains). And the best parts were my friends and the adventures we had (awwwwwww…..). Athena, we’ve got to make it back to Lyons. Liz, well, if I ever feel like facing certain death again with your family we’ll go back to Okoboji and Stef….. Daylight Donuts will NEVER be the same for me ever again.

Honorable mentions
-My fan club on Facebook
-The American Royal
-Anything related to Whitney
-Johnny Virgil commenting on my blog
-North Carolina Family Vacation

Here’s to more TV commercials and more great road trips (and less farting) in 2009.

*And man was 2007 terrible! A car wreck, a divorce, a broken heart, (surprise) back taxes and leaving all my good buddies at The Law Firm. Hopefully the upward trend of “not sucking as hard” continues into 2009…

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Ok, ok, ok…. I am beginning to come down from my Christmas high and settle back into real life. There are quite a few announcements to catch everyone up on, so without further ado, let’s begin!

Congratulations to my baby brother, David, and his new fiancĂ©, Jessica! David popped the question, in the snow in front of the Mayor’s Christmas Tree last Saturday and by her own account, Jessica screamed “Are you SERIOUS?!?!?!” 5 times before eventually answering “yes” to him. You guys both know I love the heck out of you. Congratulations again, and Jessica, if you want to borrow my copy of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” as a part of a Survival Guide/Kit you’ll be needing to put together, you’re more than welcome to it. Oooopah!

I’m hitting the big time you guys! Remember the cutie patootie boutique I love? Bon Bon? Yes? Well, I took in some of my scarves (pictures coming soon) and the owner agreed to sell them in her store! Freaking. Awesome. I am taking a self imposed sabbatical from yarn at the moment, but in a week or so, I’ll be crocheting for cash!

Hot yoga will recommence next week. I haven’t been able to go since right before Halloween… so, watch out world (or more specifically, the guy behind me in class), it’s going to be ugly for a while.

Nutrisystem will recommence in 2 weeks. For those of you that have been with me since the beginning of my weight loss journey – We’re almost there you guys! Just another 40 pounds and we’re done. Oh, and Amy, I keep showing off my “Natty Lite” pocket mirror and, in all earnestness, keep touting it was “the fanciest thing I own.” People are jealous. Thanks again.

My Christmas was pretty much awesome. How was yours? My parents got me my THIRD tool set. But, this one comes with safety glasses and a level, so, that makes it better, apparently. Also included are about 24 different drill bits and 30 different allen wrenches (you guys know how I feel about allen wrenches). And my THIRD tape measure and my THIRD hammer. Oh, and yes, mom and dad have bought me each of the three tool sets….

How was everyone’s Christmakwanzaakkah!

Monday, December 22, 2008

A Letter

Dear Megan,

It was so great to see you this weekend. It’s been a while since we last hung out - mainly because I’ve holed myself up in my apartment for the last 6 weeks trying to get all my Christmas presents done. With this past weekend being the final weekend before Christmas I had to make a push to complete everything. When all is said and done and the yarn settles I will have made 16 scarves, 3 pairs of socks, 1 ill-constructed hat, 3 pot holders, 2 purses and 1 other item for my aunt. I’m drawing a blank for what to make her. Any suggestions?

Any way, I am writing you because while it was nice to see you on Saturday, I wasn’t really all there and I *think* that you and I made plans for this Friday…. But I’m not sure… Why was I not with it you ask? Well, Friday night when I got home from work I did what I’ve been doing for the past month and a half; I broke out my needles and yarn and worked on someones gift. A few people called asking if I’d come out and see them. Liz even dropped by to see if I wanted to get a drink with her and Stef, but I passed. I HAD to get these gifts done.

Around midnight I started dragging. I was nodding off between stitches and struggled to keep my eyes open. I debated putting on a pot of coffee but ultimately decided against it because I, just then, remembered that I had an Emergency Sugar Free Red Bull (the BIG can) in my fridge. I am fairly certain that this Red Bull had been in my fridge for about a year. It was like the Ghost of Christmas Awesomeness KNEW I would need a little extra Christmas miracle to get all my gifts made. So, I chugged it and settled back in to my spot on my couch and my PBS programming. When PBS started repeating itself, I put in a movie and kept on crocheting. After Fever Pitch was done, I slipped in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. When that was done “This Old House” was on PBS and after that was done Sesame Street came on, which was brought do me by the letter D and the number 13. Seriously.

And then it was 6am and time to sleep.

I awoke at 11am in a WORLD of hurt but with a mission. While I had made great progress the night before/earlier that morning, there was still a long list of items to complete. So, I settled back into the dent still in my couch from 5 hours ago, and got back to work.

Around 4pm my head hurt and my tummy was growling. I ran to the store to get some food and a 4-pack of red bull. Yes, Virginia – there is a Santa Claus and even he needs a little pick me up to get all his sh!t done.

When I came home I had 2. And I felt GOOD. So, when I met up with you later, I was sleep deprived and high on caffeine. And then we did jaeger bombs. BLECH. And then I drank ANOTHER big can of red bull.

So, hopefully you can see why I am not really sure what plans we made for Friday. I think it had something to do with a party some friends (Jeb and Jessica?) are throwing… but I could be mixing that up with New Years.

Wait – was that even you I hung out with Saturday?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Thank you Amy. I'll consider this little gem an early Christmas present. And yes, this means I am re-gifting it to everyone else.


Monday, December 15, 2008

I’m ready for my close up...

Does the pope wear a funny hat? Yes.

Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9? Yes.

Natasha, do you want to be in a commercial? Hell Effing Yes.

Cool-Co worker-Carey, to her and the restaurant owner’s eventual chagrin, asked me to be an extra for a Gaslight Grill commercial. I was given instructions to dress nicely and show up at 6. If you’re giving me free drinks, free food and a chance to be on TV… all I need from you is a when and a where.

The whole thing was very glamorous. We sat at the bar drinking and waiting for the shot to get set up for an hour. We drooled over the entire menu while debating which item to order for “the dinning room shot.” I had finally narrowed it down to either the Salmon or the Risotto when we were told to move to the dinning room and to get ready to shoot.

My nerves were mounting, but I felt that my years of high school drama and tournament forensics prepared me for this moment. I needed to keep my energy and my pace up! I had to remember my character and my character’s motivation! And also, I heard my mother’s voice in the back of my head telling me to keep my elbows off the table and chew with my mouth closed. I. Was. Ready.

And then I spilt red wine all over me.

And the table, and the booth. And little bit on the floor too.

Ooooooooh how I wish I was kidding. I was SO embarrassed. Instead of me eating the delicious Risotto, I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. I didn’t know what to do, I just froze and stared at my Shiraz-soaked lap and side boob. I vaguely remember others coming over to the table with napkins and towels but I didn’t move. I kept saying “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” I wanted to cry but figured they’d DEFINITELY ask me to leave if I did.

So, even though I wish I could have had a less embarrassing experience…..

The back of my head will be featured in a commercial for a local restaurant!

Yeah, they moved me to be ALMOST out of the shot but I don’t think they realized that my hair has a following, so while the wine was on me…the joke is on them!

Free Bon Bons!!

Just like Julie Andrews, I have many favorite things. But unlike Jules, they aren’t raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens. My favorite things tend to be things like cheap cab fares, Antiques Road Show marathons, thrift stores and baseball players stretching... ::happy thoughts::

Another of my favorite things is this too-cute-for-words little boutique in Westport, Bon Bon Atelier.

I am a huge fan of the owner, Betsy, and her shop is full of colorful, vibrant, creative loveliness. If her shop was a boy I would want him to ask me out on a date, take me to a yummy restaurant and then walk me home and tell me what a lovely and wonderful time he had. So, imagine my delight when I was informed that I won a bag of “bon bon” goodness! I am so excited. I have NO clue what’s in it, but I really don’t care. I love anything and everything about her and her store, that it would have to be receipt paper scraps for me to be miffed. But I love winning and I love free stuff. So, actually, Betsy, I would take the receipt paper scraps if you got ‘em!

Though, it would RAWK if these in a size 9 were in the box.

Thank you Betsy!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

uniform toilet height

I am a creature of habit. I believe that the bathroom is one of the most important places where one should never deviate from any sort of routine or "givens." I've written before of my many bathroom follies and I suppose that we'll just continue adding to the archives.

I had to visit another floor's bathroom today. The cleaning lady had put her yellow flag up which meant that she either was busy cleaning the toilets or wanted to take a shit in peace. Either way, I had to find another bathroom.

I went to my back-up bathroom and when I saw that "my" stall was taken, I had to call an audible and go to a stall I've never been to before. Imagine my surprise when I went to pop and squat and found out (the surprising way) that this particular toilet is a good 3 or 4 inches SHORTER than any other toilet I have sat on in this building.

I did that "surprised to find myself falling" grab on the stall walls to try to catch myself. However, seeing how there was nothing to catch on to, I just continued falling until my ass landed on the seat.

This has me all sorts of perplexed. I really need to know the thought process behind the decision to use different height toilets in the same building (and no, before you ask, this wasn't the handi-crapper stall). I mean, was this a conscience decision by the builder or an oversight?

Or maybe the builder started out with enough toilets of the same height and then during some sort of accident that can, I'm sure, only be described as a comedy of errors, a few broke and new ones had to be re-ordered.... thus resulting in a mix-matched lot of toilets in the buildings.

I need to know! I also need to know which toilets are which height so that I won't be caught off guard again. Do you think my boss would let me do a toilet height survey tomorrow?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Thank you!

A huge "Thanks" to everyone that voted.

To the person who commented and then deleted: DUDE!!! Why did you do that? Now it is going to drive me crazy to know A) who you are and B) what you said.

It looks like #1 is the clear winner of the popular vote. But Tammy raises an interesting idea: Since I'll have a hotel room at the party, I could do wardrobe changes! Kinda like Whoopie Goldberg did for the 2001 Oscars. Only, maybe instead of the like 14 she did, I'd just do 2 or 3. And I wouldn't have a wardrobe and make-up team helping me out. But, I think that save those 2 minor difference, it would be just like it.

Now, I just need to figure out the shoes, purse, jewelry and hair.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Decisions, Decisions.....

This Friday is my company holiday party. I hope to have a bit of a more successful holiday party over the one from last year. And as long as I'm not wrongly accused of being a home-wrecking slut, I should be good. Because for the record - HE KISSED ME!


I don't know what to wear. I have lots and lots of dresses in my closets, but there isn't one that I HAVE to wear. Nothing in my closet is jumping off of it's hanger in a mad attempt to be worn out in public. Of my dozens and dozens of choices, I've whittled it down to 4.

This is where you guys come in; I need you help. Below are pictures of the top 3 dresses in my closet that are appropriate for this event. Actually, I took pictures of 4 dresses, but the 4th one is an incredible wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen, so, it’s been nixed. AND another of the dresses leaves no room for breathing or moving of any sort, but it looks really good on, so I included it for no other reason than to show off my goods. Just vote for your favorite.

The dress code for the event is “dressy casual” which means…. Ok, I am not exactly sure that that means because to me it is a contradiction of terms. I honestly think that was the nice way of telling the Programmers that they couldn't wear jeans and their t-shirts and tennis shoes should be their “fancy” ones.

But on to the main event: ME!!!!!!! (SIDENOTE: I know that MHIBTY, but I had just come from the gym.... so, please forgive the hot and steamy mess that was my hair (and face) last night.)

Little Black Dress #1

This fabulous little number I bought off of eBay eons ago. I had my mom hem it and re-create the neckline. I think the neckline on this dress is killer. Thank you mommie!

Little Black Dress #2 (aka The Fainter)

I can’t breathe and was about the pass out by the time Liz stopped laughing at me and took the friggin picture. Ignore the bra, I am not wearing this one.

Kimono Dragon Dress

Hello, my name is FIERCE.

So there you have it. Please, please, pretty please vote. And before you cast your vote I want you to ask yourself …. “Which dress would you hit on?”

Friday, December 5, 2008

A date with my doctor

I don’t worry myself with crossing any sort of line, but if I did I’d be concerned about what I am going to write about today.

Tomorrow I have a “lady” doctor appointment. I am a little bit nervous and I’d be lying little if I said that I wasn’t a little bit excited.

First, the nerves. I don’t know why I always get nervous. It isn’t that painful and there are far MORE painful things that could be happening down there, so I shouldn’t be complaining. I guess it is more of an insecurity issue with me. I wonder if I am being compared against others. And if so, how am I sizing up? Are letter grades were going to be passed out? Is there any way to get extra credit?

I’m going to take a moment and brag (such a departure from my normal ways, I know), but I am a clean and well kept person. There is NO NEED to be nervous. I have to believe that my doctor has seen some scary business and that I will just be another run-of-the-mill “flower” to her. I guess part of me wants some sort of verbal confirmation. A “Looking Good!” or maybe a “Niiiiice” when she’s poking around wouldn't hurt.

And now, on to the excited part. Tomorrow will be the first time in a long time that I’m going to have “company downstairs” if you know what I mean. I don’t think I run the risk of becoming emotionally attached, but do you guys think it would be weird if I asked her to tell me I am pretty before she starts?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Yeah, so, that guy never did call.

What the fuck is up with that? That is just plain RUDE.

For the record, I am in no way shape or form disappointed/heart broken/in possession of a long face. I am just irritated that this douche wasted my time. Why in the world bother talking to me several times, getting my number, calling my phone (to make sure it wasn't a fake) and then NOT call.

Whatever. I'm over it.

Moving on, Jennie is more proactive than I am and has made a profile. She's already met a cutie name Caitlin (and I've met her last night and approve highly of both her wit and her face). I *might* get around to doing that after the new year. Maybe.

I don't have a whole lot of information just yet, but a friend of a friend of Jennie's is a single straight guy! SO, obviously, she want to hook me up with him. Has she met him? No. Does she know what he looks like? Absolutely no clue. In her mind she knows all she needs to know. He's Straight and Single. Which, in all honestly here, really are my only requirements.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Ode to Dexter (since I brought it up yesterday)

Back when I lived in a real house and had cable, I had access to the Greatest Invention EVERTM or, as it is known on the street: Showtime on Demand. This allowed me to be introduced to Husband #4: Michael C. Hall

Michael C. Hall as Dexter, more specifically.

I’ve, long ago, come to terms with my particular crazy. But I am worried you guys. This might have crossed some sort of “socially acceptable” line. I am in major lust with a serial killer. Does this not worry one else?

It should. This is my current Netflix Queue….

Yeah, I’m a tad obsessed at the moment. And yeah, I’ve never seen Pulp Fiction, either. But I’ve gone 26 years without seeing it, I can go a few more weeks…. or at least until I am caught up on all my Dexter…. whichever comes first.

Hypothetical question.

Let’s say that, hypothetically, someone you knew had HYPOTETICAL fantasies (a double hypothetical) of being subject to, um, Dexter’s, um, certain “brand of justice.” Is that normal? No? Oh, okay. Yeah, I don’t know who would have those thoughts… not me…. I was just asking…for a, um, friend…. of a friend.

On an unrelated note, for those of you without ideas as what to get me for Christmas, a life size poster of this:

wouldn’t be a bad start.

Monday, December 1, 2008

P.S. I Hate You

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times – I should NEVER go against my gut instinct EVER. I’ve, more times than I care to admit, gone against my initial gut reaction to something (or someone) and always, ALWAYS, regret it.


Let’s take a look at the most recent example. The 2007 film P.S. I love you staring Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler.

Hilary Swank lost the last tiny morsel of respect she still had from me within the first 15 minutes of this film, but I’m getting ahead of myself here.

Once upon a time, when I had never even heard of this movie, life was good. Then one day the title starting budging itself into my “We Recommend…” tab on Netflix. I ignore for 2 reasons: the gay title and the amount of “Dexter” I have to catch up on is ricockulous. Seriously, I just got season 1 disc 1 in the mail so you guys may not see me for a while…

About a month ago various friends and acquaintances started bringing it up in conversation. Since I had already established my gut feeling on the matter, I ignored them. Not only had I made up my mind about the movie, I didn’t trust their movie taste.

Then, sigh, last weekend Megan shared with us that she, and her sister, watched and liked, the movie.


“Yeah, it was cheesy, and my sister and I could have been over-emotional due to the wedding, but, yeah, it was cute.”


Then, HEAVY SIGH, Liz had the movie at her place Friday (Yeah, that’s right. I stayed home and watched sh!t movies on Friday…) and both her and her mom said that it was cute and good and blah blah blah.

Veddy, veddy interesting.

Going against every feeling I had about this film, I took it back to my place and popped it in.

Cue the end of any respect I had for Hilary Swank.

Without getting into the completely retarded story line, the wretched acting and the fact that on at least 3 different occasions, both Lisa Kudrow and Gina Gershon were reading from cue cards (and with as about as much passion as the card board )…. This movie was terrible.

Did I sit through the whole thing? You bet your ass I did. I kept waiting for it to get better.

Oh, and just so you know, the ONLY bright spot in the entire film was a naked shot of Jeffrey Dean Morgan.