Monday, May 25, 2009


Steve & Megan (ha, get it - S & M!) threw a great (OMG STEF JUST CALLED AND TOLD ME SHE BROKE HER HAND WHEN DIVING INTO A POOL!!! WTF?) bbq last night. The weather held out and it was a gorgeous afternoon, dusk and evening. I brought my crowd favorite black bean and corn salsa. I also concocted these "Heaven Banana Bites" (Thanks Shannan! They were a hit). I made 60 and decided I could spare a couple and shared with everyone else. And lastly, Liz and I collaborated and made our new signature drink, the "Vodka-Sherbet Float." Mix citrus vodka and a scoop of lime sherbet together. Throw a couple more scoops of sherbet in there, top with club soda and a squeeze of lime. Stir/Mix to your liking. Getting summer drunk just got way easier. You're welcome.

Even though those floats were damn good, the biggest treat of the evening was served when I walked out the back door to yell to Megan and saw Richard. Sitting there. Talking to her.

I immediately ran back inside to go freak out in the bathroom. I collected myself and tried again.

"Megan!" I forced out. "Come try the dessert, they're finished and fantastic!" He's looking at me now. I go back inside. After a moment I know Megan isn't coming inside. She's making me come out and face him, so I grab a platter of the banana cream pudding toffee phyllo cup goodness and head out. My palms start to sweat because my hands are trembling.

"Play it cool, Natasha... you got this."

I would give myself a B on coolness, an A on cuteness and a C on smoothness and game. Which, historically speaking, is a great grade card for me. We chatted. I talked a bit about running. I asked him about his summer plans (he's a, he shared with me this program he saw on PBS (melt) about female suicide bombers in Palestine. He had his phone out at one point, so I grab my balls and gave him my number. So, while technically he didn't ASK for my number, he has it now.

Then his phone rang, so I took the opportunity to use the little girls room and chat with people inside.

When I came back outside and saw that, in my absence, a chick/friend/date/girl-I-didn't-know-and-is-now-there-with-him is there... I...was...crushed. And embarrassed. Awwww, man! What craptastic Memorial Day BBQ Luck!

So I did what anyone else in my fabulous $12.99 Target shoes would have done. I grabbed 2 more drinks, sat down with my girls and had a great night. Yes, I was disappointed, but no harm no foul, right? Plus, I don't know who this girl is, so I am not going to let hope die so easy. I mean, I've been crushing on this guy since January and I'm too stubborn and hard headed to let it go that quickly and without having any say in the matter!

But, seriously, it really was a great party. Plenty of friends, food and vodka-floats. Rob was a little weird in that Rob kind of way but that just meant that everything was normal. I think it really disturbed him when I told him that I was his "desert rose." Megan tripped over her tongue and came up with lots of new phrases (e.i. "We got a lot a little bit.") Steve even strung up lights for ambiance. Liz was gorgeous in the green gown and peacock earrings she borrowed from Whitney, and, Whitney herself almost put back a full two bottles of Brute (I might have helped a little bit). Oh, and Ms. Brooke was just plain hawt.

I am so thankful for my awesome friends (they truly, truly are) and each and everyone of them have come to mean so much to me and in the funny way the universe works, it was a blessing to be reminded of that on Memorial Day weekend when not only is it important to remember and honor those that fight and have died for our country, it is important to remember why.

I love you all. And thank you for putting up with me while I go through this phase/boy.

Now, let's all put our heads together and come up with a plan!

Friday, May 22, 2009

You know you're having a rough morning when...

... you hit the "Save" button in Word and become confused why your iTunes music didn't start playing. And then you stare it. And 5 seconds later you realize you hit Save... in Word... and THAT is why your music didn't start.

I stayed out way past my bedtime with my friend Jennie. Lesbian drama was abound. Good times. I met a local artist named Alex Hamil and ::gasp:: Megan - he knows Richard!!! Kinda. He invited me to his First Friday show on June 5 and said he'd try to wrangle him to show up.


Ok, let's see how I get through this day. I'm going to Target over my lunch break to try to find a swimsuit. Not sure which will turn out being more painful; getting up this morning or that.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

I love the Royals. Always have, always will. It is no secret that I (s)cream for baseball players. That married to my love for all things Kansas City is the reason why I go to games season in and season out. FINALLY my patience and home town pride has paid off and I can take pride in that we are a decent team this year. Decent defined as, in the context of the previous sentence, not being last in our division and sustaining a sliver of hope for seeing playoff action.

Last night I went to my first game of the season and was delighted to be a part of the biggest crowd I've ever seen out at "The K" ("The K" is Kauffman Stadium for the one guy who reads this blog in New York). My dad scored a 4 pack of tickets to the "Budweiser Party Deck" which is the new, private party area behind Right Field. As the name implies, Budweiser and Bud Light flowed freely the entire night along with hot dogs and other food I didn't even bother looking at. (Quick question - how did my younger brother, Daniel, not get carded - but I did?).

Here's what happened the first 8 and 1/2 innings. We fell behind 5 to 2. Actually, "fell" implies being ahead at one point in time. Our best showing was when we were tied at 1 a piece early on.

So it came down to the bottom of the 9th. 1 out. We're down by 3. However - I never stopped believing. I told Daniel that I was gonna do just like Journey did and "Don't Stop... BELIEVING!!!! HOLD ON TO THAT FEEEeeeeeEEEEEELING!" I kept the faith alive. People started to filter out of the stadium but the drunk chick next to me (no, it wasn't Liz) and I kept chanting "Let's Go Royals! clap clap clappity clap!" louder and louder inbetween singing the Journey song.

And then Mike Jacobs hits a solo home run. Mass eruption! The crowd realizes that a 2 run deficit isn't nearly as bad as a 3 run deficit. Chants start. Clapping is slowy moving towards becoming unison across the stadium and my Royal Spirit is vindicated.

Mark Teahan hammers the ball for solo home run #2, which is puncuated by even LOUDER cheers and more fireworks.

Now we're only down by 1 run and Miguel Olivo is coming to bat. People are on their feet.

I had put on the free t-shirt they gave away at the top of the 9th, it had gotten chilly, but had only covered my arms with it. I turned to Daniel and said "I should put this all the way on and maybe that will help us win the game!" Daniel yells "Don't change it now woman! Keep doing whatever you're doing! It's WORKING!!!"

Olivo Walks.

1 out, we're down by one and the tying run is on first base.

DeJesus hits a triple to right field!!! Mitch Maier (Pinch Running for Olivo) busts ass, rounds the remaining bases and scores. The game is tied and the winning run is on third.

We're all going wild. The chants, the clapping, the cheering... it doesn't stop! E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E is YELLING "LET's GO ROYALS!!!! CLAP CLAP CLAPPITY CLAP!!!!" My hands are turning red and becoming tender.

Willie BLoomquist hits it deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, but not deep enough. The Cleveland outfielder, Shin-Soo Choo, catches the fly ball for out number 2.... but DeJesus tagged up to third and began charging for home. The game, in that single moment, became a contest only to be settled between DeJesus' legs and this Korean guys arm. And everyone knew it. All the fans screamed, yelled, clapped, whistled, hooted and jumped up and down (or in my case, all of the above) in the BELIEF that our united voice would carry DeJesus' legs home and we would win.

Hard fought victory tastes so good.

I'm not about to say that the lone power of my undying belief in my Royals won the game for us, it was a team effort - DeJesus made it safely across home plate in a close play and the game was won by my Boys in Blue.

Oh, and - I never stopped believin'!

The Big One-Oh-Oh


... dollars I want you to give me.
... degrees it feels like in my bathroom with Southern AND Eastern sun all day long.
... POUNDS I HAVE LOST!!!!!!!!

While all of the above are true, I'm just going to focus on that last one. As of this morning, I have officially lost 100 pounds. I've written before on the long and winding journey that is my weight loss and while today has been a long time (and a lot hard work) coming, it's surreal.

I've lost a Nicole Ritchie, you guys!

Monday, May 18, 2009

The father, the son and... the toilet paper

Here at MHIBTY, if it happens in the bathroom – it happens on this blog.

Recently I noticed a change in the bathroom toilet paper at work. As of last week, the toilet paper used was “Heavenly Soft.” I never took much notice. It did the job. But that’s changed and now the TP used is one called “Ever Soft.”

This got me to thinking. What prompted the change? Was someone offended by the toilet paper and the implications that Jesus was wiping their ass? Does it violate the US constitution to bring religion in to the bathroom at a place of work? Separation of Church and Ass?

Or maybe they just found a way to save some pennies and this toilet paper is cheaper than “Heavenly Soft.” Obviously, “Ever Soft” doesn’t have any indulgences pay built into the price.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

on my mark

So, I ran a half marathon a few weeks ago. 2:47:44 was my time and I never fell or tripped once. Though, I did do the backwards running man dance to a drum line somewhere around mile 10 or 11.

For those of you who don’t know me, there used to be a time when I was so fat and out of shape that the mere utterance of the phrase “half marathon” would have given me an acute heart attack. Even when I started working out a little over 2 years ago, I didn’t do much running. When I did, I’d make it about .05 mile before my side was killing me, breathing was laborious and, well, I stopped. Overtime I was able to build up my endurance to go .10 mile and then, before I knew it, I was running .25 mile without stopping! This was a huge deal. But I still never was a runner. If I did go on the treadmill, it was for a warm-up or to kill time before an elliptical machine became available.

Over the last year I have incorporated running into my workouts. It hasn’t been the most fun exercise I’ve ever participated in (nudge nudge wink wink), but damn – it has its moments. Eventually, I worked up to running over a mile without stopping, and would go multiple miles as long as I walked for strategic quarter miles somewhere in the course.

Running any sort of race has never been a dream of mine. A year or so ago my friend, Athena, tried to get me to do a 5K with her. For whatever reason, I couldn’t find the motivation to participate (you can imagine how ticked off she was when I told her I’d registered for a half-marathon, but wouldn’t do a freaking 5K with her! Sorry Athena!!!).

Of all the fabulous gifts Amy has given me over the years (countless pieces of jewelry & accessories, a purple piggy bank in the shape of an owl…. an engraved “Natty Lite” hand mirror), the invitation to join her on this run will be the most precious.

Precious because I accomplished something beyond my wildest dreams. Precious because all of my friends and family had faith and awe in me even when I didn’t. Precious because this picture was captured…

Words. There aren’t enough.
It rained almost the entire race. I lost the giant black trash bag somewhere between mile 7 and 8. This lovely Kodak moment was captured, I'm guessing, with less than .25 - .50 mile left. And the last .50 mile was a steady uphill climb. Nice. The rain was helpful because it made EVERYONE look as sweaty as me. Look at me. Gawd, I am so hot.

Date Night

Liz has a lunch date tomorrow. We are very excited (Oh yeah – by the way – Whitney moved back! YAY! The tripod is once again evened out and not wobbly.).

But back to Liz and her date. I’ve assembled a list of activities they could do together. So far I have:

- Part the Red Sea
- Wander the desert together for 40 years
- Climb mountains and find tablets with commandments on them
- Plague Egyptian pharos with locusts

I know you’re thinking “Natasha, geez? What is up? I know you took a new vow of “being less of a sluttty-mcslut-bag” but what’s up with the Old-Testament-Themed date ideas?”

His name is Moses.