Tuesday, July 15, 2014

7 Reasons to Hate Lists

Lists. You love them. You hate them. I HATE them more. That is actually a lie. I have loved lists for a long time. I've been known to make lists about the lists I need to make. Writing a list about all the chores I need to ignore complete is one of my favorite pastimes. And don't get me started on how it feels to cross off items on a list. One word: orgasmic.

But they've been ruined for me. Why, Internet, why? Why did you turn everything into a list? Why can't you write quality content and pertinent titles? Articles and headlines have jumped the shark and I know I'm not the only one longing for the day the Listicle (List + Article) DIES. I hope it dies in 66 Excruciating Steps.

Oh Lists, how I hate thee. Let me count the ways.

1. Is this *really* the only way you can intelligibly convey your idea to me?
You made me stoop to your level. 

2. Over. Used.
Can we please move on to the next thing so I can get sick of IT already?

3. They're all basically the same list.
Think about it. 13 Secrets of Happy People, 8 Best Burger Toppings, 32 Facts You Didn't Know About Antiques Roadshow. 

4. Pretty sure they just make shit up as they go along to make the list longer.
That's just lame. I would NEVER do that.

5. Sensationalism is THE WORST.
God, amiright? NOTHING is worse. Except maybe human trafficking, rigged financial systems, humanitarian crisis in Syria, starving children...

6. They're all a load of crap.
They never tell you something you didn't already know. 

7. And a complete, unfulfilled waste of time.
I'm looking at you HUFFINGTON POST.