Monday, December 27, 2010

That's a Wrap

I just threw away several bags of homemade christmas candy. And then told myself, out loud, that I will NOT go digging through the trash later on tonight after sugary morsels of goodness and happiness. My sister, wisely, suggested that I go ahead and take the trash out to be safe, but, TODAY was trash day.


It's ok. I'll just clean out the litter box tonight and bury all the delicious peanut brittle, chocolate nut clusters and white chocolate covered pretzels with red and green sprinkles in cat shit. I should be safe then.

I used up leftover paper, ribbons, bows, boxes and bags this year for my wrapping.

I only sustained 1 hot glue gun burn.


How crazy/potentially selfish was it that I bought my brother the Inception DVD/Blue Ray combo pack in the hopes he would give/lend me the DVD? Regardless, that's what I did. Unfortunately my DVD player bit it and I have no way to watch it now. Karma?

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Oooooommmmmm

I recently, within the past 4 or 5 weeks, have been meditating in the mornings. So far I'm just trying to settle into the habit of putting aside time each morning, focus on my breathing and attempt to empty my mind. Some mornings have been better than others.

About half of the time Sammy Davis Jr. will come up and rub against my knee or hand wanting some morning love. I don't pay him any attention and he'll eventually leave me alone.

THIS morning I heard him batting around something but I had to put it out of my mind. I was just letting him "be." Then CRASH went one of my plants. It startled the shit out of me and my eyes flew open and my heart was racing. Not too long after the accident, Sammy scampered away unharmed. I decided to continue with my meditation and pick up the mess when I was done.

I had settled back into my breathing. My mind was becoming blank. I was Ommmmm.

And then Sammy yacked up beside me.

Fucking cat.

Thank goodness for hardwood floors.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Babes in Toyland

While yesterday's Santa get-up was accidental or unconscious (take your pick), I chose to take that as inspiration to be more like Santa. And you can't spell Natasha without S-A-N-T-A. It's true. Just try it. You will fail.


Of course this also means that you can't spell Natasha without S-A-T-A-N. But that is a post for different day.


ANYway...

My mom and I wanted to buy some toys to donate to Operation Breakthrough and today was pay day! Over lunch I flew in my sleigh (Honda) to my workshop (wal-mart) and got a handful of toys. It's been years since I've shopped for toys, I had a blast going up and down the aisles. When picking the gifts my only filter was "would I play with this?" I ALMOST got this Dairy Queen ice cream-sundae making machine. But then I realized that I didn't want to make ice cream - I just love to eat it.



I came away with a decent mix of dolls and toys. I picked the girl doll out solely based on her outfit and if I'd wear it. Three have some educational value, so I felt good about that. And my absolute favorite out of the bunch has to be this guy. (He's a lot louder in person.)

video

If you're able to pay it forward at all this Holiday season I hope that you chose to.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Ho Ho Ho

You guys. I'm scared.


I'm not scared that I'm taking posed photos of myself most mornings. I'm not scared that I'm documenting my insanity and then sharing it with the entire world most nights. I'm not scared that you guys now know I am a complete dork (Who am I kidding? You guys have ALWAYS known, but I'm just now realizing that I AM a complete dork)that isn't why I am scared.

You guys - I'm scared because I love Christmas SOOOO much that, today, I dressed like The Big Guy himself.
Isn't this how Tim Allen turned into Santa Claus?

Monday, December 13, 2010

Baby it's cold outside...

It's effing cold. It was eight degrees this morning. The only thing allowed to be "8" is this girl. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm a size 8. That's a number I haven't seen since the 5th grade. And no, I am NOT kidding. 4 years ago I was rocking the big (BIG) 2-0. Did you know that there is a pant size TWENTY?

The owner of the gym I frequent told me recently that I was looking skinny. I have never, EVER, thought that someone would use “skinny” to describe me unless it was preceded by “not,” “un” or “absolutely the opposite of.”

I went on my first diet in the 5th grade. Not only did I feel chubbier than the girls, sometimes I felt chubbier than a few of the boys. Having no concept of healthy nutrition or balanced exercise, I was doomed to fail my self-imposed “diet” of carrot sticks, iceberg lettuce and reduced fat Fig Newtons. I don’t remember how long my willpower lasted, 3 days, a week, 12 hours? It’s all relative; the point is at the age of 10 I began my long, sad and sometime dark relationship with food, my weight and the phrase “plus size.”

The last 4 years have NOT been easy and I have hit many plateaus, obstacles and setbacks. I am most proud that I did not give up on myself.

And now lets look at cute pictures of me in my size 8!



Good Luck to Ada, tomorrow on The Biggest Loser. She totally kicks ass and has jiggly arms like me!!! I heart her.

Monday, December 6, 2010

O Christmas Tree

Christmas is a great holiday because the weather is perfect for over eating, staying indoors and naps under layers of blankets. And don't get me started on the wrapping. I'm known to go effing insane with my some curly ribbon up in here. I love the carols. I love the plays & movies. I love the LIGHTS!

I have never not had a Christmas tree and this year, I couldn't stand the fact I didn't have one and the first week of December is drawing to a close, I did what I think a lot of crafty and resourceful ladies with a ficus tree would do.

You're thinking - "How Christmas-y is a ficus?"

It's a lot more Christmas-y than a pine tree, that's for sure. When was the last time you heard of an evergreen in Bethlehem?


That was frankincense and myrrh the Three Wisemen brought to little baby jesus in a manger, not Frankincense and a 6 foot Douglas Fir.
19 days until Christmas!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

A Cinderella Story

While the Orchestra waited in the wings to perform at the KCK Mayor's event, I spotted Wanda - a clarinet player. Out of the 40 - 45 orchestra members, she stuck out because she was NOT wearing the proper attire. Instead of donning the super-duper very UNflattering blue polo and matching Santa cap........complete with yarn ball at the tip for those that didn't click on the link below...... Wanda was wearing a beautiful deep red sheath gown, a long, black, sateen cardigan and most importantly... NOT the Santa cap. (I had been cornered about 10 minutes earlier and was given the hat and felt obliged to put it on. I'm already one of the weakest players, I was NOT going to be the Grinch of the violin)

"Well don't you look fabulous."

"Thanks. I'm going to the Fireman's Ball after this. It was either wear the blue shirt and NOT go or wear this and hurry on over there when this is done."

But all I heard was "...blah blah blah FIREMEN WHO WILL BE DRINKING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME blah blah blah..."

I have never disliked Wanda, but at that very moment I couldn't help but feel a little bit of jealously towards her. Hot Firemen. Dancing. Pretty party dresses and did I mention HOT FIREMEN? MY Friday night plans revolved around a David Sedaris novel and picking out a color to paint my toenails. I wasn't going to actually paint them until Saturday night, however I wanted to get picking the color out of the way.

"Wow! The Fireman's Ball, huh? How fun! If you see a hot, single one - snag him for me."

"Well, do you want to come? I have an extra ticket."

After coming up with every excuse in the book (nothing to wear, wouldn't know anyone, was going to the gym early in the morning....), my stand partner told me she was going to kick my ass if I didn't go. I accepted Wanda's invitation and I hoped to hell I didn't chicken out. After the concert she gave me the ticket, her phone number and directions. I was going to rush home, find something to wear and race to the ball. Kinda like Cinderella - but instead of chores, I had to shave my legs before I was allowed to go to the ball.

Most of my regular clothes are too big on me these days and my fancier, dress & party clothes are even more Sad Sack-ly than usual. I tried on a couple of different things and was having a wardrobe meltdown when Wanda called.

"Just checking on ya, my other friends are on their way. See you soon!"

"I'm leaving in 5 minutes" I lied.

It was more like 30.

I pulled myself together and dove back into my closet one more time. Sure it wasn't going to be a fancy gown or the perfect fit - but I wasn't going to let that stop me from going to the effing Fireman's Ball.

It wasn't the fanciest ensemble, but I think I looked pretty darn cute.

And I FELT pretty darn cute too! The ticket said "Coat and Tie" and I've been waiting for an opportunity to wear my gold, metal bow tie necklace.

(one more pic for good measure)


I met up with Wanda and her friends Kathy and Joy. Soon after, I meet Wanda's fireman friend - Gino. Gino the Wino. His own nickname for himself, not mine.

And BOY HOWDY could Gino dance. I spent most of the night dancing with him and the rest of the ladies. Wanda and her friends were at least 20 years my senior and the funnest penta and senta-generationals I've partied with in a looooong time. We were both wine tipsy and Kathy insisted on dragging me up to someone she thought I should "go with."

"Hi! What's your name? Meet my new friend Natasha. Go Dance."

I eventually had to ask her to stop trying to pass me out like Halloween Candy, I was beyond flattered, but I think our approach was a bit awkward.

So then we just danced some more. My favorite random interaction of the evening was when a drunk fireman (which should go with out saying...) came up to me and slurred...

"...you luuk thiiiirsty."

"Really? Usually people guess Italian."

Excitedly and proudly, he pointed to his hand-drawn Italian flag tapped above the giant tequila and margarita station he had brought to the ball and proclaim "Ima Italian!"

The clock struck midnight all too soon and it was time to go home. The entire evening was as fairytale-esque of an evening I could have asked for... I was smiling and laughing the whole night and started a few fires myself (ok, not really, but I did break at least one heart). Gino extended me a lifetime invitation and even said he'd give me a ride in the fire truck! Best Firemans Ball EVER!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Whoa

The Orchestra performed at the KCK (that's Kansas City Kansas for those of you not in the know)Mayor's Christmas Tree Lighting the week before last. It was a great time for all, the kids enjoyed Santa and his workshop, Mrs. Claus was very merry and apparently there were amateur photographers there with too much time on their hands because someone snagged this shot:

http://communityfaces.kcstar.com/index.cfm?action=viewbig&id=3013&ImageID=332517&s=1&ac=1&ct=1&pc=1&fs=1&stf=1&preview=0

and then submitted it to the the KCStar.com.

Awesome.

Monday, November 22, 2010

$1 Peas

Amy Bo Bamy is awesome for A LOT of reasons. She ran a half marathon with me (in fact, she made me sign up in the first place!), has fantastic fashion sense (she is the reason why I love belts and a cinched waist) and always knows a good poop joke. Like I said, she is pretty dope.

On top of all of those accolades, she works with an organization that puts on baby showers for army wives/moms-to-be: Operation Shower. I don't have time to tell you how wonderful and generous the people behind this organization are - but I do have time to ask you to donate ONE dollar to the group. In fact, I have so little time, I'm just going to copy and paste Amy's email to me here....

"Peas to go here. Text and donate $1. Ask all your friends to. Facebook it. Pass it on. Peas. If we raise $5000 via the texting the company will match it! It has to be by 12/2. Can you hep spread the word? Blog about it and be entered to win $100, too.

http://www.aboutone.com/ogt/

And enter for those SWEET prizes, dude. I wish I could."

The way she purposefully leaves out the "l"s on certain words make her too adorable to refuse.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Walk Much?

Every once in awhile I'm tragically reminded how NOT cool I am. These little reminders keep me in check and tell me that I will always lean towards the awkward end of the spectrum.

Saturday was late Autumn perfection. A crisp bite in the air, a blue sky and bright sun: a beautiful day. I had handed the FTC his ass earlier that morning and was high on the success of making baked goods. Close to 1:30ish, I headed to The Westport Flea Market for lunch with an orchestra-mate. I felt great and knew that I looked guuuuuuuuuuuuuddah.

The Westport Flea Market is a Kansas City Institution. Their burger is consistently named the best in KC (interestingly, no veggie burger? Veg Panini was still really good!) and in its Hay Day, the market boasted over 40 booths of flea market awesomeness. Even a serial killer, at one time, had a booth there! I had never been and when Holly, a clarinet player, found that out, she insisted we go have lunch there together.

So, I was walking to meet Holly, the sun shining on my face and my curls bouncing jovially under my beret. The boots I wore that day have negative traction and I didn't have the greatest of grip when all of sudden I felt my right leg slip out from under me. My left leg was planted firmly on the ground, so in essence I did the splits. Fortunately I caught myself mid-split. UNfortunately I had landed in the road. SO. I was half-split with my ass in the air and in oncoming traffic.

I bet I looked like a monkey or a weird crab when I hurriedly scuttled on all fours up the little slope that caused me to lose my footing in the first place.

I quickly stood and put on an act of investigating the ground - looking for the sidewalk monster that had come through the cracks and caused me to stumble. But I realized that I shouldn't even bother. That just made it worse in my mind - I felt that anyone that had just saw this was already having a great laugh, I didn't want them to then hoot '"Oh, and look!!! NOW she's trying to act like there was a crack in the sidewalk!!!!! What a riot!"

Thankfully the light changed right then and I got the hell out of there. I didn't run, but I was moving with a mission: distance myself from the scene of the accident and any witnesses. I wouldn't let myself believe that anyone had just tweeted "A chick just fell in the cross walk. LOL. Walk Much?"

That would have crushed my soul.

I got knocked down a peg, that's for sure. Or maybe I just got knocked back into place?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

She Bakes!

To all of those that bore witness and sacrificed their taste buds to my French Toast Casserole last Sunday......... and also on my second attempt the following Thursday....... I apologize.

You see, I'm a pretty slow learner in the kitchen. Any recipe that is no bake, no fry, no saute - basically if is doesn't involve heat or fire I can almost guarantee I won't fudge it up too badly. But I'm not terribly comfortable in the kitchen. For starters there was a time I thought that kitchen appliances were just accessories - like big art installations in the room where I stored my left over take out.

I mean, it wasn't too long ago that grocery shopping or doing the dishes qualified as "prep work." These days my cabinets have a nice stash of the staples and most of my counter space is visible at all times. Progress has been made you guys. I'm more and more comfortable in the kitchen these days, though I still consider myself a novice, at best.

I learned MANY valuable lessons with the French Toast Casserole (the FTC, if you will...). Chief among them is to never debut a recipe at a brunch you host. Make sure you know what the fuck you're doing. OR have a backup dish at the ready. Either way. This way you know how much time to allot for baking and also what to expect from the dish itself. Is it suppose to be that color??? Should it be that runny in the middle?? And what's that smell???????

I took note of my mistakes made from my first two attempts, regrouped, and tried the FTC for Stef's Birthday this past Saturday. Stef has taught me a large majority of my cooking know-how. The differences in chopping vs cutting (dicing, slicing, etc...), flame management and basic tool instruction, I learned most of it working in her kitchen. When she broke her hand and I helped out in the kitchen, she was still WAY more efficient and productive than I was. WITH ONLY HER LEFT HAND.

I was determined. I was also inspired because Stef said if I can nail this recipe I have the basics DOWN for a great bread pudding. Who doesn't love bread pudding?

And who doesn't love learning for your mistakes?



I used a smaller dish, baked it for longer and (I think most importantly) I let it rise to room tempature after letting it sit overnight in the fridge. Oh, and I added blueberries and walnuts for good measure.


MMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm. It was good.

Photos courtesy of one fabulous Sabrina. AKA my personal photographer.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Another Winn(los)er

I want be more spontaneous. I want to be open to adventure, new places, people and ideas. I want to be up for anything (as long as it fits into my schedule and doesn't keep me up past my bedtime on a week night....)....

Whitney and I had dinner at Blue Koi (GO THERE if you haven't) and then wrapped up our lady friend date with cocktails. While waiting for our tab, a foursome that had been sitting next to us as the bar, made their way to the door. One of them struck up a friendly chat with me as if he and I went waaaaaay back. Since I can be smooth and charming on occasion, I played along. He was funny and clever, he thought I was funny which made him also not completely dumb.

He eventually asked if I'd meet him and his friends (2 more guys, 1 girl) at a bar across the street. I made no guarantees, I told him "Maybe." After he left, Whitney looked at me and said "You know I'm not going, right?"

She asked why I had agreed (she sooooo saw through my "maybe"). Why not? I ask. The worst that could happen is that it would be stupid and awkward, just another bad date. At best, there would be a spark. And regardless of the outcome, NOT being afraid of doing something spontaneous and unplanned was reward enough for me.

So, Whitney and I wrapped up our night, she waved "good bye and be safe" as she headed down the street to her apartment. Even under the cover of dive bar darkness, I spotted them right away. Where were my expectations? A Free Drink.

I sat down and introduced myself to:

The Guy.
The Married Lawyer Friend.
The Friend from Columbia.
The Friend from Columbia's Girlfriend.

Pitchers of beer were ordered and I chatted everyone up. The conversation was as witty and intelligent as earlier but something was "off." The Guy and I talked a bit, I could tell he was well past tipsy. The group happen to be waiting for additional friends to show up and then the partying "would REALLY begin" The Guy tells me and invites me along.

I continue to work on my beer so that I can politely, as possible, exit stage left. I applauded my courage and spontaneity, but my gut told me this guy was NOT a catch. The Guy and The Married Lawyer Friend disappear into a corner for a minute and I make conversation with the Jewish Olive Oyle looking girlfriend.

The Guy returns, takes his seat and my hand. "I need to tell you something."

"Go for it." I am completely clueless where he's headed.

"I'm married."

I glance down at his hands. No ring. I'm not surprised because I had already assessed the ring situation at the first bar, he had no ring then why would he have a ring on now?

"Are you kidding?" I asked.

"Nope. I'm married."

"Ok then, well, It was nice meeting you..." I grabbed my purse.

He stops me. "Oh, do you have a problem with that?"

"Did you just ask me if I have a problem with you being married?"

"Yeah... y'know, we can just talk."

I couldn't believe this guy. The nerve, the gall. I found him comical and sad at the same time. "Are you dense or just delusional?"

"Hahaha" douche-bag-head-toss-back "probably a little of both!"

"Well, I think they have a pill for that."

And I walked out the door.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Aunt Natty Lite

Have you ever gone pee, wiped and then as you pull up your pants you realize that you had some piddle on your hand, which just transferred to your thigh and then consequently - immediately to the inside of your pants?

Yeah, me neither.

ANYWAY. I have 2 very good reasons why I'm still not providing you with hilarious, witty and brilliant posts several times a week BESIDE the fact that I am none of those things. I signed up to participate in NaNoWriMo and my sister was in town this week! And don't feel bad you guy, I've been ignoring NaNoWriMo too.

My Sister, her husband and my new nephew were all in town visiting this week. I officially became an aunt earlier this summer and have to say I totally dig the role. BONUS that I'll never be drafted for baby sitting duty since they live in North Carolina. "The Nef" is appropriately adorable. He puked and spit up just enough to remind me, though, that being adorable sometimes, just isn't enough. Something that I should have learned by now about boys in general, but it's a good reminder about babies too.

I love you and good job on making a cutie patootie baby.

Monday, November 8, 2010

This one is for realz...

Today is my happy, happy birfday. My actual one.

I celebrated yesterday with my lovely lady friends. Megan, Brooke, Sabrina, Stef, Whitney, Carey, Jennie and Becky (and Liz in spirit): thank you for spending your Sunday afternoon with me. I am so sorry that my French Toast Casserole turned out soggy in the middle. I love you ALL and am so thankful to have funny, amazing, generous friends.

Also, thank you for helping me get rid of some of my shit.

In a stroke of pure brilliance, I decided to make a "reverse birthday gift" table and put out all the items that have been slowly accumulating in my give-away bin. There was a little confusion when people confused the reverse birthday gift table with the table everyone put their purses and jackets, but it all got sorted out.

Brunch was tasty, thanks again!

Oh, and Wal-mart.... I haven't even eaten all the Halloween candy I stole from the children, so please take down your Christmas display.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Scared-y Cat

Sammy Davis, Jr. One cool mutha fucker. We take out his glass eye for bed time.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Flat Tire.... Continued

In case you forgot how I got here... I had a flat tire and while simultaneously changing my tire (no, not a euphemism), the very young looking but still decidedly cute Roadside Assistance guy, Adam, was subtly trying to figure out if I had a boyfriend.

After telling him I didn't have a boyfriend to call for help he asked me why I didn't, then, call my husband because "there is no way some one as cute as you doesn't have a boyfriend or something." Actually, Adam, there IS a way but awww schucks, thanks.

I thought the sentiment was sweet enough, though, and after more flirtatious banter, he asked for my number.

"That is" he said "if I'm old enough."

He looked younger than me, that much I knew and in my head I was pegging him for 22.

"I'm 19."

That's well beyond legal in the state of Kansas.

"How old are you?"

You guys, NEVER have I felt old before. Never, ever... until I said "27." I know that I am NOT old but right then and there, as I was trying to shape up the 19 year old hitting on me, did I feel like I was on AARP's doorstep. HOWEVER, since age is only a number and there weren't any other cute guys changing my tire, I gave him my number. I also figured that his young age gave him less of a chance for being married, having kids or both (a surprising trend I ran into this summer; married men hitting on me). Plus he assured me that he was real mature for a 19 year old.

After parting ways, Matt and Megan's birthday dinner had been missed. I wasn't too disappointed since they where headed to one of those all-you-can-eat Brazilian Meat Buffets, which sounds like the start to a very bad joke... "a vegetarian walks into an all-you-can-eat meat buffet and..." Regardless, I had wanted to celebrate my friends' birthdays with them. (Side story: So, Matt and Megan have THE SAME birthday, which is why they always celebrate it together. Megan often tells people that one of the things the both of them bonded over when they met AGES ago was the fact they shared a birthday. Anyway, last fall at Liz's Going Away party, we were all pretty lit but apparently Megan was ON FIRE because a small group of us were talking about birthdays and Megan turns to Matt and, in complete earnest, asks "When is your birthday???" Obviously we haven't let her live that one down. But I digress....)

So.... yadda yadda yadda... we exchanged numbers, we texted, we chatted and then came date night. He told me to pick the restaurant, so I had him pick between Italian, Mexican or Mediterranean. He picked Italian so I told him to meet me at Cupini's. When we meet up and he cases the place (unfortunately they are closed on Mondays and I didn't realize it! My bad...) he says "Oh, I didn't know this was a whole in the wall place, I was expecting something like The Olive Garden."

"Uh." I didn't know how to respond. After doing the quick calculation of subtracting 23,987 points from his "Cool Account" I told him I try to support the local economy by eating at family owned restaurants.

I told him we'd go for Mexican instead so we headed to Rudy's which was 2 blocks away. I didn't tell him that it wasn't On The Border.

Adam... poor sweet.....young... Adam spent dinner talking about UFC Fighting (Minus 5,000 point) and the Twilight books (minus 1 BILLION points). Yup. Twilight. I was polite enough and didn't ralph all over him when he wouldn't shut up about them, but I eventually had to let him know that NEITHER were my cup of tea. To that he responded "Oh, that's ok. I'll get you to like them."

How quaint.

When the check came and I offered to chip in, he refused and then said, after glancing at the total "especially since you're a cheap date." (I had stopped keeping track of points a LOOOONG time before this).

I knew it wasn't all his fault, a lot had to do with his inexperience (and the fact that he was 19) and I'm not completely heartless, so when he asked if there'd be a second date - I couldn't lie. I told him "No" and to not be upset because there just wasn't a spark for me. He seemed a little bummed (I mean - c'mon, I'm a hot tamale) but then he thanked me for my honesty and said "I'm not mad at you."

Oh you would be if you knew your score in my head.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Fainting Spell

Does anyone have experience training a cat to dial 9-1-1? After the events of this morning I seriously need to look into this option. Seriously. Scared me shitless.

SO, I went back to the doctor on Friday. I was still sick and the coughing and sexy-phlegm was getting ridiculous. He ran a litany of tests and when the results came back, I officially had Strep Throat. Great. I took my prescription to the closest pharmacy and ran to the library while it was filled. Since I knew my entire weekend was shot, I rented every documentary they had on Hawaii. (Obsessed? Who?? ME???)

After changing into PJs and settling in on the couch somewhere around 7pm on Friday, I didn't do a whole lot of moving until this morning, when I got into the shower to get ready for work. I didn't feel 100%, but my cough was mostly gone and my throat hurt a lot less.

Half way through, I become really fatigued. This was the most strenuous thing I had done in days, so I wasn't necessarily surprised. Then came the lightheaded-ness. Weird. The short breath rally began to freak me out. Then the blurred, white-out vision completely took me by surprise. I hung onto one of the rails in the shower and bent/knelt over, trying to catch my breath. It worked for a minute and I stood back up.

Bad Move.

Vision went completely white and there was a THUD. I don't remember falling, but I remembering going "AHHHH" and then being crumpled up in the tub, when I came to I was sweating and shivering at the same time.

What. The. Fuck. Not cool. I was sufficiently freaked out and completely aware that I was all alone and wouldn't have been found for days if I had hit my head... and the only thing I could think of was that episode of Sex And The City where Miranda is freaked out by the thought of dying in her apartment and her cat eating her.

But the good news, not to scare any of you, is that I am feeling better and even though I spent the day "off" I feel more like myself and on the road the recovery.

I promise the Roadside Assistance Guy story is up next! Probably.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Flat Tire

On my way to Megan and Matt's birthday dinner, I was running just a few minutes behind. I hopped in my car and merged into traffic on Westport Road. After a few blocks I noticed the SUV to my right was trying to flag me down. I rolled down the passenger side window ready with my response - "yes, I WAS on Check, Please" but the lady instead said "Your back tire is flat!"

I THOUGHT something felt funky.

I pulled into the Jiffy Lube on the other side of the intersection. They were closed. FUDGE. For about 30 seconds I had no clue what to do, I thought I was stranded in the Jiffy Lube parking lot until they opened in the morning. Then I remembered my Emergency Roadside Assistance card in my wallet. Since it was after hours, the number on the card had me call another number. And that number had me call a third. My glimmer of hope was waning.

I finally made contact with a human being and after giving her all my information and my location, she confessed that she wasn't sure how long it would be before someone could get to me.

Instead of getting upset, I got out the owner's manual.

1. Get everyone out of the car safely.
Check.

2. Put on the emergency break.
Check.

3. Get the spare tire out.
Tricky, but I got the SOB out of there.

Somewhere in the middle of all this the Roadside Assistance Lady calls to tell me someone should be there to help me in 15 minutes. Great, but I was feeling empowered and determined I could change my own flat tire.

4. Jack the car.
Hmmmm....

I looked at all the pictures in the manual and all the stickers on the jack, and I knew I was really close to figuring it out, but I was having trouble getting the jack to... uh, jack, I guess. Since the owners manual was really adamant about how dangerous this particular step was, and I wasn't sure if I was doing it right, I was REALLY glad the Assistance Guy showed up right then.

Did I mention this was in July? I was half drenched in sweat while wearing heels and a skirt. My knees and hands were filthy and my hair was haphazardly piled on top of my head in an attempt to stay cool. So I was thrilled when he got out of the car as was a complete cutie patootie.

With all the pride of a 4 year old showing off their macaroni art, I showed him the steps I had done. ALL BY MYSELF. He was genuinely impressed I had engaged the parking break, something - he said - 90% of people don't do and since I had taken the spare out, that was just something he didn't have to do.

And then he got to the jack on the ground and just laughed. As nicely as he could.

"What? What's wrong? What did I do???"

"Well, it's upside down."

"Ohhhh..."

I'm positive he found this endearing. While working he asked "So... why didn't you call your boyfriend to help you?" Which meant he wanted to ask me out.

But I'll tell that part of the story next time.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Veggie Tales

Last January I decided to cut out meat from my diet. Several friends of mine are vegetarian and I had been a pretty scant meat eater for several years. I NEVER prepared it myself. Ew. And there are a nice amount of veggie entrees at all my favorite eateries that were tasty. I knew taking the vegetarian plunge wasn't going to be too big of a shock to my system, I had long felt it was only a matter of time before I "went veg."

I am not going to go all "vegetarian propaganda" on you and preach the merits of being an herbivore, for me it's a personal choice to lead my life this way. I get shit about it from a fair amount of people and that's the most annoying aspect of it. But I take it with a grain of salt and chalk it up to the red-meat clogging the arteries to their brain to be able to recognize that this is MY choice and when thought through logically, a healthy & economical one.

"BUT what do you EAT????"

C'mon people. Beef, Poultry and Pork. I've eliminated 3 things from my diet (full disclosure, I am NOT vegan (mmmmmcheese) and I'll still eat seafood if that's the only option or I'm craving fish tacos from Los Tules - YUM). A little creativity and online research and I'm never at a loss for what to make for dinner.

The only notable areas of my life impacted are eating out, which was minimal, and eating at my parents'. My dad had a hard time grasping the idea.

"What??? You won't eat no meat? What about Chicken?"

"Nope. That's meat."

"Lamb?"

"Still meat, dad."

Baffled look.

"Tell you what, since a few of the reasons I made this choice is because I don't want the hormones/steroids/chemicals from the animal in my body, I will eat anything you catch or hunt yourself."

Needless to say, he now just keeps a box of veggie burgers in the freezer. In fact, the parents typically do more than that and always have a meat-less option for me for dinner when I come over. My parents are AWESOME. My dad, I believe, has a secret fear that I'm a lesbian and this just probably propagates his fear- but he's doing an excellent job of hiding it and is so very adorable when he calls me to give me the week's vegetarian menu.

My original intent was to see this through for at least a year and I know I'm not going to have any problem reaching that goal. And I'm going to stick with it beyond then as well. Maybe in the future I'll consider putting free-range/grass fed, locally raised, chemical & hormone free meat back into my diet, but for now I'm perfectly content not have animal flesh clogging my intestines.

Too gross?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I Wish I Was This Funny

***Fixed the link!!!***

Getting my life back together after being out of commission for a week, so today's post is just a link to someone who is WAY funnier than me. This might be a bad move on my part since you all will leave me for her since she's actually talented and will make you cry-laugh.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

You are welcome.

Sorry Megan that this isn't new to you. JUST for you, here's another picture of me in a phone booth...and BONUS.... wearing an AWESOME hat. This was 10 years ago, taken in London! This is why I don't wear hats. This and the white trucker hat fiasco. Shudder.


Monday, October 18, 2010

Sabrina's Photo Shoot

I've documented the fact that my Immune System takes sabbatical from time to time. This past week was a doozy! We're going on day 7 of this wretched cold. I broke down and went to the doctor's today only to be told that they couldn't do anything for me. Can I have my $15 co-pay back then?


ANYway, to balance out my last post, I want to share some pics that Sabrina took earlier this summer. She is a fantastic budding photographer and she needed a model for an assignment of hers. And who am I to say no to a modeling assignment?

Early Sunday Morning we made our way to Harry's Table & Chairs in Westport. I had practiced my "Steel Blue" face all day on Saturday.



At one point a mom and her two young daughters walked by and stopped to watch the shoot for a minute. One of the little girls kept asking her mom who I was and if I was famous and if these pictures would end up in a magazine. I wasn't about to break this young thing's heart, so, I just acted like I couldn't hear her. Also, I couldn't help but be flattered.


This is my favorite shot. I like the juxtaposition, the framing... EVERYTHING!

Good Job Sab! You're a fantastic photographer and I can't wait for my next assignment!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon...

There was a brief period of my childhood (age 6 to 18) when my hair was NOT better then yours. BUT my family sure could coordinate a snazzy family photo.

Is that a Casio watch? Damn straight it is. And man if those jeans are not the dopest rinse and cut for a 10 year old. I blame the ill-guided decision for the backwards hat on my sister - the other kid in the back wards cap (no, that's not a boy).

This is for all the ugly ducklings out there.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I Saw You on TV!

If I bothered using tags or labels here, I'd have one named "attempts to become a Kansas City D-list celebrity." I've contributed to community radio and have appeared in a local commercial, among other things, but almost 2 years ago I started plotting my next move into the upper echelon of KC star Power. Watch your back Bryan Busby!

After catching the series premier of "Check Please, Kansas City" on KCPT I applied to be on the show. It's a local restaurant review show produced by public television, no fancy qualifications necessary, just regular people picking their favorite local eats and then reviewing them in studio. The application was simple - list your favorite restaurants across several categories then list the top 3, overall, that you'd want to review.

Food and Public Television are two of my favorite things. I wanted this. With each passing week when I didn't hear back from the producers, I became a little disheartened. Was I not worthy? Had I offended someone when I put down KC Grill and Kabob over Jerusalem Cafe??? Or even worse - had they Googled me????? After a year I had all but forgotten that I had applied (except for when I'd catch part of an episode... sting).

Somewhere in the middle of my unemployment funk, Pam the Producer emailed me saying that I had been selected.

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was excited for the entire process. She gave me info on the 3 restaurants I was to go to. It was obvious that my selection, Souperman, was the "Hip, Urban and Trendy" eatery for this particular episode.

Whitney and I had a fancy date night and went to The West Chase Grille. I took my sister to Souperman when she came into town (mmmmmmmsoup). And Sabrina and I risked life and limb (ICY roads) on the drive to Weston to have a fantastic brunch at The Vineyards.

Mid January brought filming day! I arrived with full make-up and perfect hair. In a stroke of aesthetic good luck, the two other guests and I were all wearing coordinating colors. And when they asked what kind of wine I'd like in my glass for the shot, I said "Water." I was nervous, excited and gaseous simultaneously. Doug the Host practiced saying my last name 5 times, then butchered "Natasha" on the first take. He got both names (close enough to) right the second time and after that the 4 of us settled into a nice rapport and we were able to successfully film the episode without ANY wine being spilt. SUCCESS! Pam the Producer thanked us all again and said to expect to see the episode air sometime in May.

While on a coffee date with Carey, about 2 months later, she asked "Have you heard that Souperman closed?"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Yeah, Souperman closed due to some money laundering scheme. Allegedly."

"Aw maaannnn!!!! That blows."

The episode would still air, so I took comfort in that. But the segment of the show where we talked about Souperman would be dropped like a bad habit. TOTAL BUMMER.

Until I realized that's TOTALLY d-list.

Check (please) me out: http://cove.kcpt.org/video/1492154606/

Thursday, October 7, 2010

How to Have the Best Hawaiian Vacation EVER in 67 Easy Steps

[Results may vary. This a 100% accurate account of my vacation in early June 2010.]

1. Have your little brother and his fiance decide to get married in Maui.

2. Have your parents buy your plane ticket as a Christmas gift.

3. Discover some good friends of yours will be on the island AT THE EXACT same time as you. Buy matching floppy hats.

4. Create a "Hawaii Bucket List."

5. Finish your packing at 3:30am - just enough time to get a good night's sleep for 45 minutes before leaving for the airport.

6. Bust open the seam of your suitcase while bringing it downstairs. Then duct tape that S.O.B. to within an inch of its life.

7. Take a super cute picture of you and your mom on the plane.


8. Land in Maui.


9. Go to the store with you mom because your aunt got super sick on the plane and she needs Gatorade and jell-o.

10. Enjoy the view from the back porch of your home away from home.


11. Volunteer to take the snorkeling spot vacated by your sick aunt the next morning. EVEN THOUGH FISH SCARE THE SH!T OUT OF YOU.

12. While on the ferry to the Snorkeling expedition, you realize that you're headed to Molokini. This step should only be taken if you have been doing research on Maui before your trip and have seen pictures of this place and thought it was Freaking GORGEOUS and didn't realize that is where the snorkeling was gonna be.

13. Snorkel with REAL LIVE fishes and live to tell about it. You're such a bad ass.

14. Get super sassy and bewbilicious for the Luau/Rehearsal Dinner.
15. Fall in love with Maui, vow to move.

16. Take a magnificent morning stroll.


17. Attend your brother's wedding.

18. Wake up REALLY early the next morning to take your mom scuba diving. This is the agreement you make to be able to borrow the car that day.

19. Take your borrowed car and meet up with Lee & Sabrina in Ka'anaapali.

20. Pose with your big floppy hats.


21. Stay even after they have to leave.


22. Befriend the locals that start talking to you. Go to dinner with the group. Get their number.

23. The next night make eggplant Parmesan for your family and use crushed croutons as the breading since someone couldn't find breadcrumbs at the grocery store.

24. Meet up with the really hot local from Step 22 later that night.

25. Make out hot and heavy on the beach.

26. Take the beautiful but treacherous "Road to Hana" the next morning with your family.

27. Let fish nibble at your feet. Be proud at yourself for continuing to overcome your fears!

28. Conquer your fear of heights and jump off a rock ledge into a pool below.

29. Forget to "tuck" and do an ass/thigh-flop.

30. Bruise from it.


31. Wake up on your last FULL day and realize your bucket list isn't close to completed. Make horse back riding reservations.

32. Take a day trip to Olivine with Ren, your Hawaiian Hottie.

33. Agree to meet up with him again after he gets off work.


34. Take a moment and be SO FLIPPING THANKFUL that your trip has been magical. You're leaving in about 24 hours and a little sad about it.

35. Meet "Ren the Local" at Sugar Beach. Notice the there is a small brush fire on the side of one of the west mountains.

36. Star gaze with the local on the beach. Listen to the native legends & ancient history he knows, wish on the shooting stars you see and then cross off one of the two items on your Hawaii bucket list - and it ain't the horse back riding.

37. Bask in complete happiness.

38. Back at the house, wake up your mom to show her the fire.

39. Reflect with her about the trip, how awesome it's been, what you're thankful for (her and your family!) and admit that you kinda don't want to go home.

40. With very little sleep, drag your butt out of bed and drive 45 minutes, to another side of the island, to go horse back riding. Because Gosh Darnit!!! you're going to finish all TWO items on your list even if you have to go alone. Your plane doesn't leave until the evening so there's time to be there and back well before it's time to leave.

41. Ride a horse! But before you do that, meet Ren for coffee to say "Aloha," since saying goodbye would probably be really, really sad.


42. Call your family when you're done to tell them you'll be back in an hour but before you can get to that part, they tell you that the highway - the one you're on - is shut down from the fire. It's grown and grown and the smoke has gotten so thick and dangerous that officials had to shut down the highway.


43. Sit in traffic, stay calm. It's only noon and your family isn't leaving for the airport for another 6 hours.

44. Continue to sit in traffic but start to wish that you'd gone to the bathroom back at the Ranch.


45. 3 hours of holding your bladder WHILE LOOKING OUT INTO THE OCEAN is pretty difficult.

46. Pull your car off the side of the road. You want to stretch and not be stuck in a car.

47. After 4 o'clock rolls around take this as a sign from the Universe that you should never leave Maui and start making a list of what you need to do to stay.

48. Call your parents for the 30th time to tell them you're still not moving and you're ALMOST freaking out. But more than anything - you just want to pee.

49. Hear on the radio that the back road-mountain-highway, the one that hugs the entire perimeter of the mountain, has been diverted so that those stuck can get to the other side. You ignore the warnings that only locals who know the road should go.

50. Find a gas station and pee. Accidentally lock the key in the restroom.

51. Start your trek through the scary, windy, narrow, steep, turny, edge-of-cliff road against your parent's wishes. Tell them you don't know what else to do and that you have to at least try to get back to the house. Lose your phone signal.

52. Figuratively, run into stopped traffic. Yell "Hell NO!!!!" out loud. You're NOT about to sit in hours and hours worth of traffic again. Do a 7 point u-turn and head back into civilization.

53. Call mom. Bawling. You don't know what to do. It's almost 7pm. Everyone but her has left for the airport. She tells you everything will be ok and just to stay in touch.

54. Go to the beach. Watch the sunset. Know everything will be OK. It's OK to cry here because it's been an emotional week and day.


55. Ren calls, they've re-opened the highway.

56. Make the trek home. Traffic creeps by, but at least it's moving.

57. Become sad when you see the damage the fire has done. Beautiful Maui has been scarred.

58. Finally make it back to the house close to 10pm. Your mom tells you that the airline can't get you both a flight home for another 3 days and that the property manager said you could stay put until Friday.

59. Laugh with hysterical gratitude at the extra 3 days in paradise The Universe just gave you.

60. Go to Big Beach for Extra Bonus Day #1.


61. Watch a Meteor shower that night with your mom.

62. Go snorkeling at Honolua Bay, Hiking and back to Olivine for Extra Bonus Day #2.


63. Work on Hawaiian-Haole relations that night. Nudge Nudge wink wink.

64. Later, watch MORE shooting stars with your mom. Have her point out the Milky Way Galaxy.

65. Laundry. Packing. Say Aloha to new friends.

66. One last sunset at the beach with your mom. Rainbows appear in the surf!

67. Take a final (and very rough looking) "End of Trip" picture with your mom at airport.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Open Letter to The Biggest Loser

Dear The Biggest Loser,

Please send Bob Harper or Jillian Michaels (or both!) to kick my ass. I've lost a higher percentage of body weight than a lot of your contestants (44% and counting...) and just like your contestants, I've done it without crash diets, pills, shakes or gimmicks. Unless you count that one time I had the stomach flu... I know that Bob and Jillian can't lose the weight for me, I have to do all the work my damn self. I can and will, but no champion goes it alone. After spending all my life overweight, I need someone to drag me to the skinny side.

I'm so close to my goal, but at the same time it feels unattainable. I've been working for 4+ years and I know every step, mis-step and stumble has been worth it. If you could please find it in your heart (budget) to do this great act of kindness (Awesome PR!!!), it would mean the world to me (really it would).

I could re-pay you by posting nice things about you on my blog THAT NOW HAS 17 FOLLOWERS!!!!! Holla! That is almost a big deal! So, go ahead and consider the terms of my deal and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

MHIBTY

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Girl vs. Forks

There are many things I come by naturally. Wit, style and awesome hair are, without question, a few that come to mind first. Among that list, however, is NOT "A generally tidy personality." I have to work hard to maintain a neat space. My sense of order and neatness is something I am purposefully achieving. I have to consciously choose to be a tidy person.

I have to consciously choose to be the OPPOSITE of my mother. And I love my mother DEARLY. But my mom just is NOT organized. Nor does she care to be. She knows her weakness, and lives with it normally enough. In fact, tonight she told me that her coffee cup at work is a funny quip about how being unorganized is the smart way to be. She chuckled at herself.

My mom and dad, along with my aunt Pari, grandma Maheen and Cousin Ali came over to see the new place tonight. My dad had a small list of "Daddy please do." We had dinner follwed by tea with dessert. My cute little Iranian family.

I just came from the kitchen where I typically keep my silverware drawer in this condition.



This is a lifestyle I WANT to live, one that includes beautiful silverware drawers. They are clean, organized and not a complete cluster FUCK! of chaos.

My mom was in my house for less than 2 hours and left me with this.


.......nature versus nurture you guys.

Name all the kitchen utensils and I'll crochet you a custom scarf! Buttons optional.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Second Chance

I played the violin for 7 years. Between 2nd and 9th grade I fancied myself a fiddler. I enrolled in the public school system in the 5th grade, this was the grade students had the option to join either band or orchestra. Since I had already been playing for 3 years, I was the closest thing to a virtuoso my little 5th grade orchestra had seen. I could play THE SHIT out of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

So, all throughout the 5th and most of 6th grade, I was the top dog. I was the best by default. If you challenged me for first chair, you got your ass handed to you. I could out play you with my eyes closed and one arm tied behind my back. Oh that's right, I could defy the laws of physics and play the violin with one hand!

But this all changed when my orchestra mates began to hold their own and my early exposure to the instrument mattered less and less. Also, I hardly ever practiced. There were 2 girls in particular that rivaled me for 1st chair 1st Violin. We were constantly duking it out for the coveted spot and each of us probably spent an equal time on top over the course of our junior high orchestra career.

Then came High School and the game changed yet again. We were now playing with a large group and a lot of talented upperclassmen. That year the Drama department produced "Fiddler on the Roof" because one of the seniors was good enough to BE the fiddler (BTW - I was cast as Grandma Tzietle and totally rocked it). When I was told that I had made first chair (!!!) SECOND violin (???) I was torn. Seconds play the harmony, not the melody - so it's not nearly as fun. Still, first chair wasn't something to shake a stick at. But, for all intent and purposes - the second violin part is usually easier than the first... I felt like a failure.

So I quit at the end of the year. Or rather, I didn't join back up my sophomore year. Tomato Tahmahto. I thought I was too cool for Orchestra. There were several reasons why I didn't continue. All of them, I felt at the time, were REALLY GOOD ones, but none of them matter now. Or maybe they never did????

The holidays always tug at my heart strings. It's all the music. Last November I was going through my annual nostalgic period for playing... I even missed holding the darn thing, not just playing... when I met a friend of a friend, Ingrid - a real cool German chick with a PhD in music studies - who encouraged me to pick it back up again.

The week after Thanksgiving I found myself at KC Strings renting a violin and buying "Christmas Extraordinaire for Beginners," a book full of the classic Christmas Chorals. I kept telling myself that it would "be just like riding a bike." I'd immediately be able to read the music, know where my fingers were suppose to land and I'd pick up just where I left off 12 years ago.

Uh, let me just put it this way.... Twinkle Twinkle Little Star totally made me its bitch. While that might be exaggerating it a bit, needless to say - it wasn't pretty but I stuck with it. A few weeks later I had come close to "mastering" all the Christmas Chorals. A month after that I had moved on to beginner concertos. Who knew that practice made perfect?!?!??!

Ingrid had mentioned that there were probably community orchestras in the area that I could join if I ever wanted to play again. Sure enough I goggled "Kansas City Community Orchestra" and found the Kansas City Kansas Community Orchestra. I sent an inquiry email and was told just to show up and the director would put me somewhere. I just hoped that that "somewhere" wasn't the hallway.

My first rehearsal was the groups first week back after nearly a month off, so the room was hectic and loud. There were a handful of new people, the director was pointing them to where they should sit. He finally gets to me, sees my violin case and says "Our second violin section really needs more. Would you like to play second violin?"

"I would LOVE to play second violin!!!"

And sure enough, I do!


ps - we have a concert a week from TONIGHT (Oct. 7th). Let me know if you want to attend!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Natasha and The Amazing Technicolor Molar

Right before I lost my job last summer, I went to the dentist. And apparently I brush my teeth with sugar-paste, because I had a few cavities that needed to be taken care of. I had NEVER had one cavity before. I scheduled a follow up visit, but I lost my insurance, so I canceled and wouldn't return until I had coverage once again.

I knew it was risky to ignore the cavities, but I couldn't afford the fillings on my own. I figured lots of Listerine and diligent brushing would stave off further decay. None of the cavities were painful, so I told myself I had some sort of built in "buffer." Until they started hurting, I could ignore them. Totally rational. Then one day I felt something abnormal in my mouth. A quick flick of my tongue - something wasn't right. Part of my back molar had fallen off. Unemployed with teeth breaking off. It was a high point in my life.

But it didn't hurt. So I kept with the obsessive rinsing and brushing with the hope that I'd have dental insurance soon enough. No additional teeth broke off and my mouth wasn't a black hole of decay and rot by the time I landed a gig with a dental plan, so I figured "good job me" and re-scheduled my Dentist appointment.

Since I'm not completely delusional, I braced myself for the worst verdict, and sure enough the doctor said I'd need a crown on that back tooth. About 2 hours and 12 needles later, I left the dentist with a temporary crown on my back molar and a numb and droopy left side of my face. I was tired, in pain and felt like I looked like Anthony Hopkins in "Legends of the Fall" after his stroke. I couldn't stop the drool running down my chin.

Later that evening, after a long nap and pain meds, I made eggplant curry. It was GOOD.

The following day, while washing my hands, again, I notice something abnormal in the back of my mouth. Unlike 3 months prior when I had FELT the abnormality, this time I SAW it. I took a closer look, and sure enough, something was WRONG.

The Turmeric from the curry had turned my temporary crown BRIGHT NEON YELLOW.

I bet you're thinking "yup, that's a bright neon yellow toof" but let me assure you that this picture does not do justice to the radio-active glow that omitted from the back of my mouth.

Thank goodness this was in the back of my mouth. And temporary.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

YOU pick

Two separate interactions with co-workers this week gave me pause. Both exchanged momentarily stunned me; because while I had fully understood what they were saying/doing I was also literally paralyzed because I wasn't entirely sure how to respond.

The First

The first was while I was making my salad for lunch. Something I do 4 days a week. I am fairly confident that I have a nickname around the office centering around my daily salads like "Veg-head," "Salad McLettuce McGee" or "That chick that eats a fucking salad every fucking day." So, needless to say, this is my regular lunch routine.

Where was I? Oh, ok, I'm making my salad and someone comes up to me says "Hey, can I have some of that?" With half a tomato in one hand and a knife in the other, I look up at him and could only get "uuuuuh???...." and point to my bowl of lettuce and half chopped pile of vegetables.

"Yeah can I...???"

"Have some of my lunch???" I ask him.

My boss, who has witnessed the entire scene play out, walks away laughing and burst up when she rounds the corner. "Her SALAD!!!" I hear her cackle.

The Second

Chatting (via IM) with a co-worker about totally work related stuff then it takes a "knotty" turn. (Paraphrased)

Me: blah blah blah... computer settings! yadda yadda yadda Software Testing ROCKS!

Her: So... Boyfriend? Girlfriend?

Me: Neither.

Her: You go girl! You're an strong, smart, independent woman and you don't need a man! Except to reach things up high.

Me: That's why I bought a step stool!

Her: ROFL

Me: :)

Her: So, I have someone I could send your way. He's super nice. But....

Me: But?

Her: How do you feel about ropes?
Like handcuffs.
I know some weird people.

Me: Have you read "The Marketplace?"

SOOO... can't decide which was more bizzare. My vote is for the guy that asked me for part of my lunch WITHOUT even offering me half of his pb&j.

Monday, September 20, 2010

One Cool Cat

My opinion on pets runs identical to my opinion on children; I love other people's. Just because I don't care to have my own doesn't mean that I dislike animals, but I prefer to be a fan from afar. Now, don't tell me to "not knock it until I've tried it" because I've had a pet or two and I guess I was never in a place to be a good "pet-rent" (New word???) because I didn't really enjoy, on a whole, the experience.

A few weeks ago my maternal grandmother was placed into a nursing home which left her cat homeless. Without going into the sordid affairs that surround my grandmother's story, my mom was held responsible for this cat. After all avenues were exhausted, she finally (in her very own endearing, passive way) asked me if "I knew ANYBODY that could take care of a sweet old kitty in the new apartment that they're moving into. All by themselves." That's a direct quote (almost).


I cracked. I folded. I was bribed.


And that is how I came to be a "pet-rent" to Sammy Davis Jr. And YES one of his eyes is a little Wonky.