That's a Wrap

I just threw away several bags of homemade christmas candy. And then told myself, out loud, that I will NOT go digging through the trash later on tonight after sugary morsels of goodness and happiness. My sister, wisely, suggested that I go ahead and take the trash out to be safe, but, TODAY was trash day.

It's ok. I'll just clean out the litter box tonight and bury all the delicious peanut brittle, chocolate nut clusters and white chocolate covered pretzels with red and green sprinkles in cat shit. I should be safe then.

I used up leftover paper, ribbons, bows, boxes and bags this year for my wrapping.

I only sustained 1 hot glue gun burn.

How crazy/potentially selfish was it that I bought my brother the Inception DVD/Blue Ray combo pack in the hopes he would give/lend me the DVD? Regardless, that's what I did. Unfortunately my DVD player bit it and I have no way to watch it now. Karma?

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!!!

Oooooommmmmm

I recently, within the past 4 or 5 weeks, have been meditating in the mornings. So far I'm just trying to settle into the habit of putting aside time each morning, focus on my breathing and attempt to empty my mind. Some mornings have been better than others.

About half of the time Sammy Davis Jr. will come up and rub against my knee or hand wanting some morning love. I don't pay him any attention and he'll eventually leave me alone.

THIS morning I heard him batting around something but I had to put it out of my mind. I was just letting him "be." Then CRASH went one of my plants. It startled the shit out of me and my eyes flew open and my heart was racing. Not too long after the accident, Sammy scampered away unharmed. I decided to continue with my meditation and pick up the mess when I was done.

I had settled back into my breathing. My mind was becoming blank. I was Ommmmm.

And then Sammy yacked up beside me.

Fucking cat.

Thank goodness for hardwood floors.

Babes in Toyland

While yesterday's Santa get-up was accidental or unconscious (take your pick), I chose to take that as inspiration to be more like Santa. And you can't spell Natasha without S-A-N-T-A. It's true. Just try it. You will fail.


Of course this also means that you can't spell Natasha without S-A-T-A-N. But that is a post for different day.


ANYway...

My mom and I wanted to buy some toys to donate to Operation Breakthrough and today was pay day! Over lunch I flew in my sleigh (Honda) to my workshop (wal-mart) and got a handful of toys. It's been years since I've shopped for toys, I had a blast going up and down the aisles. When picking the gifts my only filter was "would I play with this?" I ALMOST got this Dairy Queen ice cream-sundae making machine. But then I realized that I didn't want to make ice cream - I just love to eat it.

I came away with a decent mix of dolls and toys. I picked the girl doll out solely based on her outfit and if I'd wear it. Three have some educational value, so I felt good about that. And my absolute favorite out of the bunch has to be this guy. (He's a lot louder in person.)

If you're able to pay it forward at all this Holiday season I hope that you chose to.

Ho Ho Ho

You guys. I'm scared.

I'm not scared that I'm taking posed photos of myself most mornings. I'm not scared that I'm documenting my insanity and then sharing it with the entire world most nights. I'm not scared that you guys now know I am a complete dork (Who am I kidding? You guys have ALWAYS known, but I'm just now realizing that I AM a complete dork)that isn't why I am scared.

You guys - I'm scared because I love Christmas SOOOO much that, today, I dressed like The Big Guy himself.

Isn't this how Tim Allen turned into Santa Claus?

Baby it's cold outside...

It's effing cold. It was eight degrees this morning. The only thing allowed to be "8" is this girl. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm a size 8. That's a number I haven't seen since the 5th grade. And no, I am NOT kidding. 4 years ago I was rocking the big (BIG) 2-0. Did you know that there is a pant size TWENTY?

The owner of the gym I frequent told me recently that I was looking skinny. I have never, EVER, thought that someone would use “skinny” to describe me unless it was preceded by “not,” “un” or “absolutely the opposite of.”

I went on my first diet in the 5th grade. Not only did I feel chubbier than the girls, sometimes I felt chubbier than a few of the boys. Having no concept of healthy nutrition or balanced exercise, I was doomed to fail my self-imposed “diet” of carrot sticks, iceberg lettuce and reduced fat Fig Newtons. I don’t remember how long my willpower lasted, 3 days, a week, 12 hours? It’s all relative; the point is at the age of 10 I began my long, sad and sometime dark relationship with food, my weight and the phrase “plus size.”

The last 4 years have NOT been easy and I have hit many plateaus, obstacles and setbacks. I am most proud that I did not give up on myself.

And now lets look at cute pictures of me in my size 8!

Good Luck to Ada, tomorrow on The Biggest Loser. She totally kicks ass and has jiggly arms like me!!! I heart her.

O Christmas Tree

Christmas is a great holiday because the weather is perfect for over eating, staying indoors and naps under layers of blankets. And don't get me started on the wrapping. I'm known to go effing insane with my some curly ribbon up in here. I love the carols. I love the plays & movies. I love the LIGHTS!

I have never not had a Christmas tree and this year, I couldn't stand the fact I didn't have one and the first week of December is drawing to a close, I did what I think a lot of crafty and resourceful ladies with a ficus tree would do.

You're thinking - "How Christmas-y is a ficus?"

It's a lot more Christmas-y than a pine tree, that's for sure. When was the last time you heard of an evergreen in Bethlehem?

That was frankincense and myrrh the Three Wisemen brought to little baby jesus in a manger, not Frankincense and a 6 foot Douglas Fir.

19 days until Christmas!

A Cinderella Story

While the Orchestra waited in the wings to perform at the KCK Mayor's event, I spotted Wanda - a clarinet player. Out of the 40 - 45 orchestra members, she stuck out because she was NOT wearing the proper attire. Instead of donning the super-duper very UNflattering blue polo and matching Santa cap........complete with yarn ball at the tip for those that didn't click on the link below...... Wanda was wearing a beautiful deep red sheath gown, a long, black, sateen cardigan and most importantly... NOT the Santa cap. (I had been cornered about 10 minutes earlier and was given the hat and felt obliged to put it on. I'm already one of the weakest players, I was NOT going to be the Grinch of the violin)

"Well don't you look fabulous."

"Thanks. I'm going to the Fireman's Ball after this. It was either wear the blue shirt and NOT go or wear this and hurry on over there when this is done."

But all I heard was "...blah blah blah FIREMEN WHO WILL BE DRINKING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME blah blah blah..."

I have never disliked Wanda, but at that very moment I couldn't help but feel a little bit of jealously towards her. Hot Firemen. Dancing. Pretty party dresses and did I mention HOT FIREMEN? MY Friday night plans revolved around a David Sedaris novel and picking out a color to paint my toenails. I wasn't going to actually paint them until Saturday night, however I wanted to get picking the color out of the way.

"Wow! The Fireman's Ball, huh? How fun! If you see a hot, single one - snag him for me."

"Well, do you want to come? I have an extra ticket."

After coming up with every excuse in the book (nothing to wear, wouldn't know anyone, was going to the gym early in the morning....), my stand partner told me she was going to kick my ass if I didn't go. I accepted Wanda's invitation and I hoped to hell I didn't chicken out. After the concert she gave me the ticket, her phone number and directions. I was going to rush home, find something to wear and race to the ball. Kinda like Cinderella - but instead of chores, I had to shave my legs before I was allowed to go to the ball.

Most of my regular clothes are too big on me these days and my fancier, dress & party clothes are even more Sad Sack-ly than usual. I tried on a couple of different things and was having a wardrobe meltdown when Wanda called.

"Just checking on ya, my other friends are on their way. See you soon!"

"I'm leaving in 5 minutes" I lied.

It was more like 30.

I pulled myself together and dove back into my closet one more time. Sure it wasn't going to be a fancy gown or the perfect fit - but I wasn't going to let that stop me from going to the effing Fireman's Ball.

It wasn't the fanciest ensemble, but I think I looked pretty darn cute.

And I FELT pretty darn cute too! The ticket said "Coat and Tie" and I've been waiting for an opportunity to wear my gold, metal bow tie necklace.

(one more pic for good measure)

I met up with Wanda and her friends Kathy and Joy. Soon after, I meet Wanda's fireman friend - Gino. Gino the Wino. His own nickname for himself, not mine.

And BOY HOWDY could Gino dance. I spent most of the night dancing with him and the rest of the ladies. Wanda and her friends were at least 20 years my senior and the funnest penta and senta-generationals I've partied with in a looooong time. We were both wine tipsy and Kathy insisted on dragging me up to someone she thought I should "go with."

"Hi! What's your name? Meet my new friend Natasha. Go Dance."

I eventually had to ask her to stop trying to pass me out like Halloween Candy, I was beyond flattered, but I think our approach was a bit awkward.

So then we just danced some more. My favorite random interaction of the evening was when a drunk fireman (which should go with out saying...) came up to me and slurred...

"...you luuk thiiiirsty."

"Really? Usually people guess Italian."

Excitedly and proudly, he pointed to his hand-drawn Italian flag tapped above the giant tequila and margarita station he had brought to the ball and proclaim "Ima Italian!"

The clock struck midnight all too soon and it was time to go home. The entire evening was as fairytale-esque of an evening I could have asked for... I was smiling and laughing the whole night and started a few fires myself (ok, not really, but I did break at least one heart). Gino extended me a lifetime invitation and even said he'd give me a ride in the fire truck! Best Firemans Ball EVER!!!