Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Match Game

Refusing to let my past experiences with online dating leave a sour taste in my mouth, I’ve signed up with Match.com. Insert definition of insanity here: ______________.

A little over a week in and there are no prospects. A few people have contacted me, none of them even worth clicking the “No thank you” response for, but rather, just deleting. But, I’m not gonna let that bring me down. When life hands you lemons, write a blog about it!

Here are the profiles of 3, um, gentlemen that have contacted me. I am copying the text VERBATIUM. Enjoy.

Bachelor #1
Name: Jerry
Headline: hi im looking for someone that wont cheat, hurt me, use me, brake my heart love me for me, want to be with me, me only, no lies no games.
Main Bio: Im a nice sweet and kind and loving and caring guy I have been hurt and heart broken im a countryboy and a farmboy i try to help anyone that i can i love to try new things i love to play pool and bowl and i love to work
Worth Mentioning: His picture is of him…. taking a picture of himself in a mirror. With a t-shirt tucked into his jeans.
Final Verdict: Learn how to use a fvcking comma. And don’t tuck your t-shirts into your jeans.

Bachelor #2
Name: MidwasteGuy*
Headline: “Let’s grab a beer” :0)
Main Bio: i don’t like to sit around and waist time, rather i am motivate to have a willingness to learn from others and in the proses makes a new friends that will last a life time. i am a big English football fan. i love playing baseball. i haven’t been to a baseball game (MLB)- “shame” but i look forward to one. I’m looking for a flexible woman that knows how to treat a fine gentleman and above all, loves to have fun.
Worth Mentioning: In his main picture, his eyes are shut.
Final Verdict: Is English your first language?

*I am certain he meant MidWESTGuy, but then again, I could be wrong.

Bachelor #3
Name: Trucker
Headline: I akm David I am 30yrs old.I am from Olathe,Ks
Main Bio: I idel match would be somebody I spend my life with and share things with and do thing together. I am fun to be around, caring, sweet, I no how to treat a lady and be respectful. I don’t play games anybody. I am pencostal*.
Worth Mentioning: His eyes are not straight forward. Well, one is and the other isn't.
Final Verdict: ……………………..uh…… maybe instead of Match.com, he should look into Dictionary.com.


Sigh. Well, I've got 3 more weeks left in my $34.99 month subscription. If nothing else, I should get a few more blog posts out of it.


The Miles said...

At $34.99, this is the best you get? I'm surprised a laughtrack doesn't appear once the CC processes. Then again...comedic gold does have to cost something.

StartingOver@28 said...

OMG. Hilarious and exactly why I am not sure I could put myself out there...

Kanadka said...

Wow, that is sad. Really, really sad. Is spelling just a thing of the past now?

Natasha said...

Spelling is SO 2008.

Stevester said...

No I meant midwaste guy... does this mean your interested? <3 This is friggin hilarious though. Are they all the same guy, just with different shirts on?