Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Breaking News

Fatties Fornicate Frequently!


For those of your too lazy to click on the link...

Overweight women are more likely to have had sex with a man, according to a study reported in the Telegraph. The study by the University of Hawaii surveyed 7,000 women ages 15 to 44. Ninety-two percent of those who had a body-mass index above 25 had had sex with a man. For those considered normal weight, it was 82 percent. Researchers said that BMI was a factor independent of other things such as age, race or location. The lead researcher said it was not clear why overweight women were more active. "Our analysis demonstrated that overweight women do not differ significantly in some of the measures of sexual behavior compared to women of normal weight," said Dr. Bliss Kaneshiro.

I can't believe someone had to do a "study" to come to this conclusion. I could have told you this. It isn't common knowledge that a "thick" girl ::clearsthroat YOURS TRULY clearsthroat:: will put out faster and more frequently than her thinner counterparts, but, it is true, nonetheless.

You could compare this to getting a GREAT deal on a 5 star hotel and spa.... but in a city you don't necessarily want to visit. Like Council Bluffs, Iowa. Because if it was a city that everyone wanted to visit, the tourism board would be spending some money on cleaning some things up and making it appeal to a larger demographic, but it’s not, so it’s going to stay a dump but practically GIVE AWAY hotel stays and spa packages. (I think I just compared myself to Council Bluffs….)

I digress…

The article implies that they're not sure WHY? Well, that’s easy (just like the chubby chicks). These girls have no or low self esteem. If my friend Max has taught me one thing, it was that men totally go for girls that have no or low self esteem. In fact, last summer, while trying to teach me "game" he told me the one and only thing I needed to master was to drunkenly tell a guy that "I have low self esteem" and I'd be in the money.

Now I am the one left with questions… with the entire proverbial deck stack IN MY FAVOR, why can’t this sister get any love?


GucciLittlePiggy said...

I think it's because you DO have self-esteem. Don't worry. You are plenty stacked.

Stevester said...

Word up you are! Alas, I can only give you platonic love, and maybe cop a feel every once in awhile and blame it on Prit. Anyway, it is an interesting quandary you pose: You're successful, beautiful, funny, smart, witty and a terrorist, all things high on any man's list of potential mates, so THAT can't be the problem.... hmmmm... maybe it's where you hang out. You said you like going into craft or card shops, or boutiques or parlors (I don't know the chic lingo), which are not places to meet men. You must go to manly places: electronics stores, the automotive section at your local library, Build-a-Bear (don't judge), behind the dumpsters around back of the Majestic comedy club at 10:34 tomorrow night, those kinds of places.

So what you are saying is all I need to do is feed my wife more and then she will give me the daily loving I beg so constantly for? Brown Bear likey! I knew her always telling me to "be romantic" or "stop just trying to shove it up my butt when I bend over to pick something up" or "get your finger out of there!" were just ruses!