C.I.T.

There are many things that I aspire to be in this life. To name a few: Karen Walker, from the hit NBC show Will & Grace, French and a Cougar...

This past weekend I officially became a C.I.T. - a Cougar-In-Training.

I spent Friday night with my home girl, Athena. And yes, before you ask, she is Greek. To celebrate my birthday, we had a slumber party with all the proper trimmings: wine, olives and a late night fast food run. Athena has 2 sons along with 3 step children, 1 of which live with her. So, there were 3 teenage boys in the house along with us. And those 3 teenage boys had friends over. Now, I am not sure what sort of sick and twisted sense of humor the universe has but I would have given my left nut 10 years ago to be having a slumber party in a house that was concurrently being occupied by 8 boys in the age range of 16-18.

10 years ago.

So, image my surprise when Athena informed me that her step son had texted to her to let her know that his friend, “Trevor” (that’s his real name, I’m not sure why I put it in quotes…), wanted a little bit of alone time with Natasha.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Now image my chagrin when, changing into my pajamas, “Trevor” decided to come into the room and lock the door behind him. When he threw out “Hey, what’s up?” (with my shirt half on… or half off… depending on how you look at it), I laughed in his face. Which I didn’t mean to on purpose, but it was really freaking funny. He immediately turned bright red and tried to play it off, but the little guy had lost all confidence at this point. He made another attempt to put a move on me, but, seeing how I was in no mood to give lessons or show anyone how anything was supposed to be done, I passed.

For however much I want to be a Cougar, there are reasons why women wait until both they and their prey are older. The obvious reason would be avoiding jail time, but there is also the experience level to take into consideration. It could be said that a general rule of thumb is that if the man-child still believes that Applebee’s (or Chili’s, On The Border, The Olive Garden…) is an acceptable date, then expect the same amount of originality in bed directly related to the originality of the restaurant. And while it isn’t guaranteed that you can avoid this with an older audience, your risk does go down.

In addition to “letting the wine age,” so to speak, being a Cougar is something that is to be learnt; a skill to master over time. There is a certain way you lure in the target, a delicate art to be used when trapping, a subtle seduction that I have yet to master. I mean, come on guys, I have no game.

Hopefully in other 10 years I will have mastered the dance.