The Pits of Depair

I perspire. Hard core. To quote Kevin James "Were you just jump roping in the attic? - No, I was peeling an orange." I explained to Tammy once, when she saw me picking up the "CLINICAL Strength" Deodorant... I would buy Horse Strength antiperspirant if they a) had such a thing and b) sold it over the counter.

Just call me Sweat Pits McGee. OR Sweet Tits McGee. Either will work.

This brings us to this morning at 7:40. I'm 2 miles from work and realize I did not put on deodorant. This instantly makes me break out into a cold sweat. FUCK. I blast the AC and do that thing with your arms where you lift and hunch over your shoulders so the dashboard vents hit you right in the under arm area.

Needless to say, today I am taking measures to ensure I don't break a sweat. This means no laughing too hard, no twisting off beer caps and I am going to have to recruit someone to peel my mango. I even took the slide down to the first floor, in lieu of the stairs, in an effort to exert the least amount of energy. I'm not sure if I saved a sweat break out, but I did manage to almost do a summer salt in the slide. I banged up my knee & back, screamed a little and then when I landed (crashed) I was greeted by most of the Professional Services team in the cafe area. Including this guy.

Have no fear, dear readers, I have found a way to keep the stank at bay. In addition to the aforementioned no-sweat steps, I have been rubbing Purell Hand Sanitizer in my pits all day. The bottle says it kills 99.99% of germs. Also figured the alcohol in it would dry out the pit-eroonies. Plus a friend of mine said she's tried this from time to time when she forgets to deodorize. Thanks Lynn!

So, even though it's Friday, I will not be putting my arms in the air and waving them around like I just don't care until AFTER I get home and apply some de-o.