Sunday, April 10, 2011

More Bathroom Humor (Horror?)

"If it's yellow, let it mellow. It it's brown, flush it down." I live by this mantra. If it's just a little tinkle I save water AND indulge in the lazy side of my personality and wait to flush until the next time. I recently polled others (my friends) on what their "number" is. Consensus was a single flush for every 2.4 pee pee trip. Factors between 2 and 3 were the saturation of the color and/or the amount of TP.

For a while this "way of the throne" was a godsend. My toilet handle broke the morning after I moved into my apartment and I had to figure out how to flush my big ole "toilet christening" without a handle. I didn't know what do to or if I should call any body, and if so... WHO??? My landlord? My Dad? A priest... because LORD that thing was a beast in and off itself. Being vegetarian not only has made me a more "regular" lady, but also... more of a "solid" one... if you know what I mean.

I after I flushed by way of direct access into the tank, I immediately called the landlord. Over the next 5 months I'd have the handy man over two additional times to deal with a janky handle. Since I had my yellow/brown rule, I didn't always have to deal with jiggling the HELL out of that sonofabitch to flush. But now with the luxury of a working toilet handle I am able to decide whether to flush for fun or not.

Last week, after starting my shower but before getting IN it I suddenly realized that my digestive track was moving A LOT faster than I was. So I went poop. And then I came to an impasse. Should I flush and wait 5 minutes while my shower re-heats? Or do I remember to flush after my shower? Only on rare occasion am I running "on time" in the morning, let alone with a 5 minute cushion, I had to flush after I showered.

I remembered to Flush after my shower. Only it was 45 minutes and 11 miles after my shower that I remembered to flush. I sat at the light, after the flash of remembrance, and imagined how embarrassing it would be if I died today. Whoever went to my apartment to clean it out would be surprised by the kind of cleaning they had unwittingly signed up for. By the time I got home that night, I had completely forgotten, AGAIN, that there was a flushable in the crapper. Gross.

New Mantra. When it's Brown, flush it down. Even if the shower is running. Because, Ew...

2 comments:

Kelly Von Lunen said...

Wow, I'm impressed. I don't think I have the guts to blog about poo. Especially my own!

Megan Channell said...

*sigh*...I LOVE me a good "poop story" heehee...